


Tainted Love

by readtolive



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barebacking, Bottom Stiles Stilinski, Breastfeeding, Cheating, Childbirth, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski Mpreg, Fisting, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kid Fic, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Male Lactation, Masturbation, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sterek endgame, Time Skips, Timeline What Timeline, Top Derek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-22 09:06:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11377020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readtolive/pseuds/readtolive
Summary: The entire pack knew by now that Derek was back in Beacon Hills with a wife in tow. Stiles had to listen to four separate rants from different pack members, namely Erica, Scott, Isaac and Lydia, how they fully expected him not to lose his grip and to remain calm and composed. Stiles wanted that so much himself and he really thought he could maybe manage it. He was glad that they perhaps failed to realize that the main source of his agitation didn’t stem from seeing Derek after so long, but from the fact he was married now. It was something he never even offered to Stiles. It was something Stiles thought Derek would never do.He wasn’t wrong, as it turned out. He just didn’t want to do it with Stiles.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Tin on Chapter 11 Tue 24 Apr 2018 12:50PM EDT  
> 'This fic is so frustratingly bad, I resent reading it at all. Heads up for future readers.'

 

 _*******_  

  
Stiles looked at Derek’s back from where he was standing on the staircase. He was eating, hunched over their old kitchen table, movements clipped and efficient, like always, like spending one second too many on such a basic activity would kill him. Stiles’ heart swelled with affection because he loved Derek with all of it, and all of Derek with it – even his less than cute habits.

  
‘’Der’’, he tried. Derek’s shoulders stiffened for a moment and then gradually relaxed.

 

Stiles pushed on. ‘’Lydia said she might drop by later.’’

  
He knew all too well how much Derek hated when the pack came over to Stiles’ house. Now that John was dead, it was only the two of them living there for the past… well, it had been almost a year. Everybody knew that and they stayed away, respecting their alpha’s wishes. Everybody except Scott and Lydia, that was, who maintained they came for Stiles, as Stiles’ friends, and would continue to do so despite Derek’s inhospitable grumpiness and cold stares.

  
Stiles approached Derek in silent steps and gently embraced him from the back. He pressed his lips against the older man’s nape, barely touching it, letting the smell and the tickle from his hair envelop his senses and warm his chest from within. Derek’s skin felt so good under his lips, but he stopped himself short before he got a chance to annoy him. Tentatively, Derek put the spoon down and covered Stiles’ hand with his own, slightly turning his head, showing Stiles that he was listening.

  
‘’I’m sorry’’, Stiles whispered in his cheek. ‘’You could stay longer at work. And I’ll make sure she doesn’t stay too long.’’

  
Derek didn’t say anything. He got up, Stiles’ arms falling away from his body in surprise, but then he turned around and hugged him tightly. Stiles reveled in it although he could hardly breathe; he was so happy, so insanely happy at that moment – nothing else mattered. He was grateful. He melted in Derek’s arms, shoving his nose in his chest and grinning widely. Gently, Derek lifted his chin with two of his fingers until Stiles’ eyes met his and kissed him. It was a rare occasion, for Derek to kiss Stiles without it leading to sex, and Stiles was fully aware. Maybe things were getting better for them.

  
Stiles’ heart went berserk; he could feel his blood pumping all down to his feet. It was a simple, chaste kiss, just a light brush of lips, but those were Derek’s soft lips, that was Derek’s familiar breath warming his face and Stiles thought he could die from love at that moment. A second later, Derek was picking up his keys from the table and leaving in silence. Stiles smiled contentedly and put his arms around his slender body, hugging himself in happiness.

  
He looked around the kitchen. Nothing much changed since his father died and Derek started living with him. The walls were a little filthy, the furniture old, the plates chipped – but neither Derek nor Stiles felt the need to add anything new or fix things up in order to make the house more presentable. There was time for that, Stiles thought. They had their whole lives in front of them. Everything was going to be just fine.

 

  
_*******_  

  
Stiles was rifling through Jonah’s cupboard, trying to locate his favorite Ironman shirt. Not that the kid had many shirts, but making a mess out of his clothes that Stiles so carefully ironed and folded was one of his daily ideas of fun times.

  
‘’Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa!’’ He could clearly hear Jonah’s war cry while he was running through their tiny apartment.

  
‘’Come on, Jonah, we’re going to be late’’, Stiles said without any real rush, knowing that Melissa wouldn’t mind.

  
‘’Papa, I want ice-cream. And broccoli!’’

  
Stiles looked at his son who stood half dressed at the door of his room, the cloud of curly hair already in tangles from all the running. His doe honey eyes shone brightly and he had upturned nose just like Stiles, covered in freckles; his hair was much lighter, though. Stiles adored him beyond sanity. He was his light, his love, his life, his everything. His family.

  
‘’Really, buddy? Broccoli AND ice-cream? Is that some secret super powers recipe? Are you planning to eat them together?’’

  
Stiles lifted the boy in his arms before he had a chance to run off again and blew a few raspberries on his soft cheeks, earning a barrage of giggles. Jonah smelled like baked apples and fresh bread, baby powder and bubble gum. Stiles started to pepper his face with kisses.

  
‘’Noooo, papa, I want to earn ice-cream. That’s why I need broccoli. It’s fair like that.’’

  
Stiles continued to rock him gently, while the boy rested his head over Stiles’ shoulder. Stiles petted his hair and whispered in his ear:

  
‘’My beautiful boy, my Jonah, you know I love you so, more than the Moon, and the stars, and more than my favorite chocolate chip cookies.’’

  
Jonah laughed, squirming in his father’s embrace, clutching his little arms firmly around his father’s neck.

  
‘’Aunt Melisa is in charge of your lunch today, so you’ll have to talk with her,’’ Stiles explained.

He put the boy down and finished his dressing. He took a quick look around the room, making sure everything was in order before they left. They didn’t have much and Stiles liked to keep their living space as organized as he could. A few of Jonah’s toys were scattered across the floor, but otherwise everything seemed fine.

  
The apartment had two small rooms, one for Jonah and one for Stiles, and a spacious living room with a little kitchen nook to the right. It was relatively new, bright and airy with several large windows, with good floors and healthy walls, which was why Stiles had decided to buy it in the first place. After he had sold the house where he grew up, it was exactly what he could afford and what he needed. There were two nice parks nearby and a good school for Jonah.

  
They quickly made their way from the second floor of their apartment block, Jonah in Stiles’ arms because it was safer and quicker that way, and got in Stiles’ car, a 2009. Ford Fiesta, a small but reliable vehicle he had bought with the rest of the house money. They also had to stop by the store to get a few groceries for Melissa. Jonah kept listing from his car seat his other food requirements, but Stiles knew that Melissa wouldn’t cave in under Jonah’s charming persuasion.

  
Jonah obediently held Stiles’ hand while Stiles was picking the right vegetables, touching the tomatoes with his free hand, squeezing each one just a little and trying not to get caught by the shop assistant. While he was weighing one of them, it fell down; Stiles prayed that it was too ripe and would remain exactly where it fell, but he wasn’t that lucky. The tomato bounced like a ball and promptly rolled over right to the feet of a man standing nearby. Stiles looked up, met the man’s eyes and the world stopped existing.

  
It was Derek Hale, standing right in front of him in all his glory, beautiful, dark and imposing. And staring straight at Stiles.

  
Stiles’ ears started to ring, his heart thumped wildly in his chest and his palms were drenched in sweat in seconds. His breaths got shorter and harder and then he felt pangs of real pain in his chest.

Unconsciously, he lifted his arm and pressed his hand over his heart, as if it would help. Derek followed the movement with his piercing grey eyes.  
Stiles realized Derek was saying something, but Stiles couldn’t hear it, he just saw his lips move. Stiles kept blinking at him, and Derek stared firmly right back, his eyes wide open, but unreadable, the store’s neon lights illuminating every dot and freckle around his irises.

  
‘’Papa, we have to buy that tomato now.’’

  
Derek’s eyes landed on Jonah for the first time, not getting any softer or kinder. The alarm went off in Stiles’ head at that. He didn’t like it, he didn’t want Derek looking at his son or talking with him. He jolted from his stupor, something unpleasant uncurling in his stomach. All the yearning for the man that was suffocating Stiles for years remained firmly buried under that. Stiles briefly wondered what Derek felt at that moment, if he was as upset as Stiles.

  
Stiles gently squeezed Jonah’s hand, still not saying anything. When he looked at Derek, he was looking right back at him. Stiles felt his cheeks get red and splotchy. He tried to calm his breathing. He couldn’t believe no one had told him, that no one had tried to warn him. He couldn’t believe that universe thought that this was the right way for him to see Derek after all these years. It wasn’t fair.

  
There was a woman standing next to Derek, Stiles noticed. She was pretty, with long, shiny hair and big, dark eyes. Her small lips were quirked into a tiny smile.

  
‘’Stiles’’, Derek’s words finally cut through Stiles like through a cloud of cotton balls. Stiles almost started to panic again at the sound of his voice. He didn’t know what to say or what Derek could possibly say to him at that moment. In the far corners of his mind, he knew he should act properly and remain civil, and Stiles really tried. He even managed to crack a tentative smile. Derek looked amazing. A little older, a little more rigid, but still amazing. Stiles always loved his flawless exterior.

  
‘’This is Jennifer. My wife.’’

  
Stiles closed his eyes. He felt the rush of saliva fill his mouth. He was going to throw up. Another burst of sweat covered his body and he felt Jonah’s hand starting to slip from his. He couldn’t allow that.

With the last atoms of his strength, Stiles forced his eyes open, nodded at the couple with what he hoped could pass as a genuine smile on his lips, and then he bent down, picked Jonah up and fled.

 

  
_*******_  

  
Derek sat on the chair in Stiles’ living room, his eyes shiny and big, with an absolutely horrified and desperate look on his face. Stiles was curled up on the sofa, not even trying to hide his sobs anymore, his body shaking and broken.

  
‘’I love you’’, Derek blurted, and it was unclear who was more stunned by that sudden declaration, Derek or Stiles, whose sobs turned into inconsolable gasps. 

‘’I… I love you, but I can’t live here anymore. I can’t…’’, Derek continued. It was clear he was determined to get out whatever it was he felt he needed to say.

He clenched his hands around his knees.

  
Stiles tried to straighten himself up and to stop crying so much. He couldn’t even see Derek clearly through the wall of tears; he couldn’t even hear him properly because his pulse was drumming in his ears. He needed to hear everything Derek had to say. It was important. The love of his life was leaving him, his future dreams were collapsing around his ears. He wanted to be present. But, with increasing panic, Stiles was starting to realize there was nothing he could say or do to make him stay.

  
Unless… but he couldn’t. He shouldn’t blackmail Derek into staying, it wasn’t right. Not for Derek, not for the baby. The baby needed loving parents.

  
‘’I want you to be happy and I want you to be… fine, to be healthy. I… I can’t live in this house with you and… and… you want a family, and I can’t do that. I’m not… for family,’’

Derek struggled with his words.

  
Stiles spoke for the first time and everything just rushed out of him.

  
‘’That’s not true, you can, you are, I’m going to help you, we’ll do it together,’’ Stiles pleaded, although at that point, he was almost certain he was wrong.

  
Because they did try, Derek tried. And even though Stiles knew they had issues, he knew that Derek didn’t become more affectionate and open during the two years of their relationship, Stiles loved him like he had never loved anyone in his life and never would. He was happy. He didn’t mind Derek’s closed off nature and occasional grumpiness and bad mood. He got used to Derek’s coldness and aloofness, because Stiles loved him and he knew Derek loved him back. He knew it. He wanted them to be a family and to live together in his father and mother’s home and to raise children of their own.

  
That’s why he wanted to talk to Derek and asked him to come home earlier that night. Derek said he wanted to talk with him, too. Stiles was so thrilled about what he had to say to Derek that he didn’t even stop for a second to think what it was that Derek wanted to say to him. For a brief moment, he thought Derek would ask him to marry him; but Stiles dismissed that thought immediately, with a pang of regret and sadness. Derek wasn’t for marriage, he never even mentioned it, not once – Stiles guessed he just wasn’t the marrying kind.

  
‘’Derek’’, Stiles looked at him, with fresh resolve and determination, trying to sound less croaky and hoarse from crying. ‘I should tell him’, he thought. ‘I have to. It’s not selfish, it’s my duty. It’s the right thing to do’.

  
Derek was staring at the faded living room carpet.

  
‘’Derek, I have to tell you something,’’ Stiles whispered, wiping his nose with the end of his sleeve. ‘’It’s… I only found out three days ago, I wanted to wait for the right time to tell you. I… I’m pregnant.’’

  
Derek jerked his head up like he was punched. His eyes grew impossibly wider and his face turned pale as a sheet.

  
Stiles stopped sniveling, in shock. He couldn’t believe he told him. Absolute silence fell onto the room.

  
Derek stiffly got up on his feet and approached the couch. He knelt in front of Stiles, put his arms around him and held him mechanically.

  
‘’I’ll stay, of course.’’

  
Stiles cringed. The words he thought he wanted to hear the most made him feel horrible. He felt pathetic. He felt weak. But he hugged Derek back and thought they would get through this.

  
They were just going through a rough patch. That was it. They loved each other.

  
A month later, as they were sleeping in their bed, Stiles was woken up by fierce cramps. He was lying in a pool of blood, scared and desperate. Derek took him to hospital. A miscarriage, they said. He was released the next day, grief-stricken and inconsolable. Derek lay next to him in their bed, holding him in his arms, while Stiles cried himself to sleep.

  
When he woke up three hours later, Derek was gone.

 

  
_*******_  

  
‘’Mr. Stilinski, I’m pleased to inform you that your adoption papers have been accepted. We would appreciate if you could come to our office anytime tomorrow morning.’’

  
Stiles clutched his phone in his hand, not believing his luck. It was his dream come through. It was everything he ever wanted. He could finally take Jonah home.

  
His and Jonah’s story was a little unorthodox to begin with. At that point, Stiles didn’t even consider adoption. He was working in the Beacon Hills City library – the only library the city had, and trying, and somehow even managing, to get back on his feet after Derek had left him. It literally took a whole village – a pissed off pack, determined Lydia, an expensive therapist that Jackson of all people was paying for, and Stiles accepting every part-time job he could in order to spend the least possible amount of time alone.  
One of the jobs was at the police station, where the memory of John was still so strong they didn’t even think twice before they hired Stiles to do filing work for them. That was where he met Jonah for the first time.

  
He was brought to the station by the obviously upset Boyd, who was on call that night when a case of domestic disturbance had been reported. Boyd came back to the station holding a bundle in his arms, wrapped in blankets with only a shock of blond curls flopping over Boyd’s arm. He handed the baby to stunned Stiles, briskly muttering, ‘’Handle this. I have to get back.’’

  
Stiles pulled down the blanket a little with his finger, only to reveal a tear-tracked, dirty, angelic baby face. ‘’You’re going to be fine, baby. Nothing wrong can happen to little angels like you, you’ll see. There are good people in this world, and they will take care of you and love you, baby, yes, they will, and you’ll grow to be a strong boy or girl and everything’s going to be all right’’, Stiles crooned.

  
He then called the social services and every other child protection service he had listed. After they'd taken the baby, Stiles kept calling every day to check on him, who he then knew was an eleven month old boy by the name of Jonah, no parents, no living relatives. On his daily walks from the library, he went to visit him, every day without exception. He held him in his arms and crooned sweet nothings when he was sleepy, or played with him with his toys when he was awake. Five months later, and exactly one day after Jonah uttered his first word ‘’Sta’’, Stiles filed for adoption.

  
Not a single day since then had gone by that Stiles didn’t thank the universe for Jonah, who despite all difficulties of raising a child as a single father, was a blessing Stiles thought he hardly deserved. Everything else in his life faded back to insignificance – in particular, Derek. Ever since adopting Jonah, Stiles realized and felt how his love for Derek was flickering away, losing its gravity and intensity not only because Jonah filled those spaces in Stiles, but because Stiles understood that what he and Derek felt for each other perhaps wasn’t love. 

 

  
_*******_  

  
Derek pushed him against the door, but he carefully put his hand behind Stiles’ head to lessen the impact. Stiles thought he should feel trapped, but he didn’t. He couldn’t believe his luck that Derek, of all people, the hot, unattainable, god of sexiness Derek, looked at him with desire in his eyes and wanted to touch him in any way, least of all the hot sexy way. Stiles’ dick was so hard that his jeans left imprints on it, but he didn’t dare do anything about it.

  
‘’Just so you know, I’m a virgin’’, Stiles blurted, cringing at his own awkwardness. He expected Derek to laugh at him, he expected for him to at least smile in mirth, but he didn’t. He was dead serious.

  
‘’Stiles… Do you want this?’’ Derek asked, stopping all movements. But he didn’t remove his face, which was a few inches away from Stiles’, his breath hot and sweet-smelling flowing over Stiles.

  
‘’You know I do. I told you. I… I like you, Derek. I want you to know that. That I’m not some desperate teenager looking for a… to have sex. I think you know, you have to know I like you. How much I like you. Derek…’’, Stiles paused; his chest heaving heavily, embarrassed and a little afraid of what Derek was going to say.

  
But he didn’t say anything. He smiled faintly, for the first time that night, and Stiles watched in fascination how Derek’s head came closer and closer, until his mouth was a feather’s breadth away from Stiles’ – Stiles thought he would come in his pants then and there. Derek’s lips finally touched his, softly, brushing and pressing into Stiles’ over and over again. Stiles closed his eyes, breathing heavily through his nose and he thought he would die with joy until something even better happened - Derek’s tongue licked over the seam of his lips and Stiles opened them almost on reflex. Their tongues touched for the first time and the sensation cut Stiles’ legs in half. Derek’s tongue was so hot and wet, caressing Stiles from the inside until he felt dizzy. He swayed on his legs a little and Derek felt it almost immediately, and then the kissing stopped. In a sudden burst of movement, he grabbed Stiles under his legs in a bridal carry, to Stiles’ infinite joy, and brought him over to his bed which was situated in the middle of Derek’s loft.

  
He put him slowly on top of his sheets, and everything got very real very fast. Suddenly, Stiles felt terribly unsexy in his faded jeans and washed out t-shirt, but Derek didn’t seem to mind. When Stiles looked at him, his eyes were firmly attached to Stiles’ flushed face, watching him hotly and hungrily. Then Stiles felt Derek’s warm, broad hand lift his t-shirt up, until his stomach and nipples were uncovered. Stiles closed his eyes then, in embarrassment or shyness, he didn’t know.

  
‘’Hey’’, he heard Derek whisper next to his cheek, ‘’open your eyes, Stiles.’’

  
Stiles shook his head. He prayed to god Derek didn’t insist.

  
‘’You want to keep them closed, baby? Is that what you want? You want me to love you and fuck you without you looking?’’

  
Stiles nodded.

  
‘’Okay. Alright. Let me take off your clothes. Can I? You are so beautiful, Stiles. You… I wanted you, you know that? What you’re giving me right now is what I wanted but believed I could never have. Thank you, baby, thank you…’’

  
Stiles couldn’t believe the amount of words coming out of Derek. He never talked that much, and Stiles was convinced that he wouldn’t talk at all during sex. He guessed he was wrong about that. Derek continued his ministrations all the while undressing Stiles.

  
‘’Do you want me to turn off the light, Stiles? Would you open your eyes then?’’

  
Stiles thought about it. It was eleven o’clock at night, and even though the loft had huge windows, it was high enough above the ground for not too much of the street lights to come through. Stiles slowly nodded, and when he heard the click of the lamp, he peeked through his lashes.

  
He was lying on his back, naked, his pale body the lightest thing in the room. His cock was hard, leaning softly against his belly, a little pinker than the rest of him. He turned to Derek, who was leaning against one of his arms and smiling at him. He didn’t say anything when Derek, without any further delay, put his hand over his dick. Stiles gasped, his legs opening slightly; Derek then cradled his soft balls, caressing gently all over his dick and balls and pubes over and over again. He then traveled up his torso, over Stiles’ stomach and chest, and when he touched his pebbled nipples, Stiles’ back arched away from the bed. He was already breathing heavily and Derek continued to touch him almost hypnotically, not ever changing his pace or pressure.

  
Stiles thought he couldn’t get more turned on and that one right touch would finish this even before it started, but then Derek put his hand under his right knee and lifted Stiles’ leg. Stiles furiously blushed, but Derek just started to caress his impossibly pale inner thigh in steady movements, looking at Stiles’ face. Stiles felt a little too exposed, but his desire greatly surpassed his inhibitions.

  
Derek moved his head and kissed him again then, which was definitely Stiles’ favorite activity. The kiss was deep and passionate, and intense enough that when Derek’s fingers went below Stiles’ drawn balls, he didn’t even think about it. Stiles wanted it. He wanted Derek to fuck him so much. He was prepared for this. His body was clean and ready for Derek. His hole danced under Derek’s touch.

  
Derek pulled slightly back. He leaned over Stiles and pulled out a bottle of lube from the bedside table. He remained lying next to Stiles, for which Stiles was immensely grateful – he didn’t think he could survive Derek between his legs, looking as well as touching. Derek put his hand back there, fingers slick with lube, and started circling around Stiles’ hole. It was so arousing that Stiles didn’t even blink when Derek slowly pushed the tip of his index finger in. It was so hot. Stiles gasped, but he grew bolder at the same time. He looked at Derek, straight in the eyes, while Derek’s finger slid more deeply into Stiles’ hole, and saw that Derek was flushed red as well, that he was as affected, as excited with what was happening. Stiles smiled at him. Derek huffed a little.

  
‘’That’s it, baby. Open up for me, darling, let me in. Can you feel it? You’re so warm inside, Stiles, so soft. I’ll put the second finger in, can I, baby?’’ Derek crooned.

  
Stiles nodded frantically. He was beyond turned on. The second finger burned a little, but he wanted it so much, he wanted Derek’s dick immediately, he wanted him to fuck him until he lost his mind. Stiles felt his hole spasm around Derek’s fingers and at that moment he realized that Derek was the only person Stiles ever could allow to do this to him, ever wanted to do this to him. Only Derek.

  
Soon after, it was happening. Derek got between Stiles’ legs and took one of his pillows and put it under the small of Stiles’ back. Stiles’ legs opened around Derek’s hips on their own accord, relaxed and wanton, which was when Stiles laid his eyes for the first time on Derek’s cock. In his initial shyness and embarrassment, he missed to even look at it. It was large, which Stiles expected. It was also pretty thick and veiny, with huge velvety head. Stiles swallowed a few times, but he didn’t let himself worry. It would be alright, Derek would take care of him.

  
Derek leaned on one arm and took his dick in the other and came closer Stiles’ hole. When the tip of his dick touched it, Derek rested it there for a few moments, letting Stiles get used to the touch, which was good. Stiles felt his hole relax and unclench. Then he pushed slightly in.

  
Stiles couldn’t breathe with excitement. It hurt, but only a little; Derek had a really wide head. Despite of it, it kept sliding slowly into Stiles, his hole expanding and accepting Derek’s cock like it was made for it. Stiles’ breathing turned into short gasps, but Derek’s focus didn’t waver; slowly, he pushed his entire length into Stiles until his balls touched Stiles’ ass and his pubes tickled Stiles’ balls. He lifted his eyes from where they were joined, gave Stiles a little smile, then covered him with his entire body and started to pump.

  
If Stiles thought that just having Derek’s dick in his body felt good, he knew nothing. When Derek started fucking him in earnest, he saw stars. Derek’s body was all muscle, tanned and smooth across his back and ass, with hairy chest and crotch. Stiles felt Derek’s ass drilling his cock into him and the feeling was exquisite. Stiles couldn’t believe having sex felt this good. He wanted to touch Derek’s body so badly, which he did. Derek’s cock massaged him from the inside, and when the head caught against that special bundle of nerves inside him, Stiles screamed for the first time. He wanted to come, he felt like he was going to come any minute now. His need was overwhelming and Stiles thought he had to touch his dick for that. But he didn’t – Derek fucked into him with such abandon, Stiles thought he felt his dick in his throat. A volley of thrusts later, and Stiles was coming harder than ever in his life. His entire body clenched in a fierce spasm and he collapsed back onto the mattress.

  
Derek stopped fucking him then and looked at Stiles with a smile. Sweat was dribbling down his face and Stiles thought he never saw anything more beautiful in his life.

  
‘’Did you like it, Stiles? Can I fuck you some more or do you want me to pull it out?’’

  
Stiles looked at him entranced, feeling amazing and just nodding away.

  
‘’Fuck me, Derek, I want you to fuck me until you come deep inside of me, come in me, please’’, Stiles whispered.

  
Derek went rigid for a second; he then buried his face in Stiles’ neck and started fucking Stiles again, moaning behind Stiles’ ear. His hips began to falter and then soon enough Stiles felt bursts of hot semen filling him from the inside. Stiles also felt something wet on his face – he couldn’t believe he was crying. He didn't even notice. When Derek lifted his head, half-conscious in post orgasmic bliss, he started licking his tears away. He kissed Stiles like he was something precious.

  
Derek pulled his cock slowly out. Stiles loved that part, too. Derek hardly went any softer, and it seemed that any touch of his dick lit Stiles up. To Stiles’ surprise, he got up from the bed, gloriously naked and perfect, but he only went to the bathroom to fetch the towel. He put it between Stiles’ legs, which he nudged open once again.

  
‘’Let me look at you, baby. I need to see you’re alright. My dick is big, and your hole is small, so…’’ he continued with a smile.

Stiles was embarrassed a little, but after what they had just done, he decided that ship had pretty much sailed. Derek lifted his balls and put one finger against Stiles’ hole.

  
‘’Relax, baby’’, Derek said and pushed a finger inside Stiles, rotating it and inspecting.

It didn’t hurt Stiles at all. He was curiously looking at Derek, already wondering how the night would end. Derek pumped all the semen that leaked out of Stiles right back inside, wiped his hand on the towel and crawled up next to Stiles, turning him around and hugging him from behind.

  
‘’Sleep now’’, he said, already closing his eyes.

  
After a minute or two, Stiles whispered:

  
‘’Derek?’’

  
‘’Mm?’’

  
‘’Did you like it?’’

  
Derek waited for a second, like he debated whether to pretend that he didn’t know what Stiles was talking about.

  
‘’Yes, Stiles. I liked it very much.’’

  
‘’Will we do it again?’’

  
‘’Do you want to do it again with me, Stiles?’’

  
‘’Yes, very much.’’

  
‘’Alright then, Stiles. We’ll do it again. Only not right now.’’

  
‘’Tomorrow then?’’

  
‘’Tomorrow, Stiles.’’

  
The next day Stiles learned that Derek’s talkativeness was reserved for sexy times only. Stiles didn’t know much about relationships and boyfriends since he never had one, but he was pretty sure that if you had sex more than once, it was a relationship. And he had already told Derek he liked him, so, even though Derek didn’t say he liked him back, they could perhaps be boyfriends.

 

  
_*******_  

  
The entire pack knew by now that Derek was back in Beacon Hills with a wife in tow. Stiles had to listen to four separate rants from different pack members, namely Erica, Scott, Isaac and Lydia, how they fully expected him not to lose his grip and to remain calm and composed. Stiles wanted that so much himself and he really thought he could maybe manage it. He was glad that they perhaps failed to realize that the main source of his agitation didn’t stem from seeing Derek after so long, but from the fact he was married now. It was something he never even offered to Stiles. It was something Stiles thought Derek would never do.

  
He wasn’t wrong, as it turned out. He just didn’t want to do it with Stiles.

  
He tried to clear his mind. Thinking about Derek was killing him. He never did stop thinking about him, if he was honest. Where he was, why he never called, why he never came, did he not wonder about Stiles, did he not miss Stiles… Why he couldn’t live happily ever after with Stiles. Why he didn’t think, like Stiles did, that their love was forever.

  
It was Scott’s birthday today, so Stiles went to the bathroom and splashed his face with cold water, trying to focus on that; Stiles got him a present he ordered specially two weeks ago and Jonah drew him a happy birthday card. His little family was ready. Stiles patiently waited for Jonah to wake up from his afternoon nap so they could head over to Melissa’s. He really needed the company of the pack after recent events.

  
He went to Jonah’s room and quietly lay next to his little boy. He couldn’t see his face from the curls, so he started nuzzling gently into it.

  
‘’Wake up, my little prince. It’s time for us to go to Uncle Scotty’s birthday party.’’

  
Jonah started stirring slowly, warm and relaxed from sleep, and smiled at Stiles, pushing his little hands into his father’s face.

  
‘’Papa’’, he yawned. ‘’I drew Uncle Scott a horse!’’

  
‘’I know, buddy. And it is the most perfect horse I’ve ever seen! A little green, but who cares.’’

  
Stiles laughed holding clingy Jonah in his arms.

  
‘’Papa, who were that man and woman at the store yesterday?’’

  
Stiles sighed. Here we go.

  
‘’That man was someone papa knew long time ago, before you were even born. And the woman is his wife.’’

  
‘’Papa, why did we run away? Are they bad people?’’

  
Stiles choked a little. He didn’t have a ready answer.

  
‘’No, buddy. They’re not bad people. It’s just that sometimes, papa gets confused and doesn’t know what to say and then I run away, which is not good, Jonah. It’s not good and it’s not something you should do. I’m sorry you had to see that.’’

  
‘’It’s alright, papa. You should’ve said hello, how are you to them, papa. It’s only polite.’’

‘’You’re right. You are so smart, my Jonah. Smarter than your papa. And I love you so, you know how much? Even more than curly fries, that’s how much.’’

  
Jonah screamed in delight at that, for everybody knew how much his papa loved curly fries.

 

  
When they arrived at Melissa’s, a little late, it was Lydia who opened the door for them.

  
‘’Jonah!!!’’, she greeted his son with a smile.

Jonah grinned widely at her, since he'd inherited his obsession with Lydia from his father, apparently.

  
Lydia planted a sound kiss on his little cheek, and then gave him over to Isaac who magically appeared behind her.

  
Jonah was ecstatic, he loved all pack members. ‘’Come here, little man, let me show you the cake!’’ Isaac prompted.

Lydia quietly closed the door behind her and looked at confused Stiles.

  
‘’He’s here. What you’re going to do is come in and behave normally, you hear me? Do you understand, Stiles?’’

  
She was in her no bullshit mode and all Stiles could manage was a nod before Lydia practically dragged him inside, and showed him into the dining room, where everybody was already seated. Including Derek and his wife Jennifer.

  
Derek was smiling and his wife was smiling, too. Melissa was a perfect hostess as usual, and the pack seemed so happy to have their alpha finally back. Who was Stiles to spoil that for them?

  
He forced a smile and shook hands with both of them. The birthday dinner flowed smoothly. Stiles found out, not through inquiries of his own but of the others, that yes, Derek was back for good. Yes, he got a job, back at the fire department. And, oh yes, they were trying for a baby. It was all Jennifer talking.

  
Stiles felt numb. He wasn’t even upset, not even angry. He simply shut down, like most of his brain functions stopped working. He needed Jonah. He took him from Alison’s arms and put him in his lap. He buried his nose in his hair, trying to stop his heart from hurting.

  
‘’Did you say hello, how are you, this time, papa?’’

  
Stiles jumped a little in his seat. He looked at Derek across the table only to meet his eyes staring right back at him.

  
‘’Yes, I did, Jonah.’’

  
‘’See, papa, you are good today. You are not confused.’’

  
‘’No, Jonah.’’

  
Jennifer smiled at them. ‘’Ah, he’s such a sweet boy, Stiles! You must be so proud. Where is his mother?’’

  
Stiles looked at her in annoyance and he was pretty sure he saw Derek stiffen up next to her.

  
‘’His mother passed away.’’

  
‘’Oh. How dreadful.’’ Jennifer looked around the table at everyone’s turned down faces and continued:

  
‘’This is a wonderful lasagna, Melissa. You are an excellent cook!’’

  
It all went downhill from there, the tension palpable and unpleasant. Stiles just couldn’t take it anymore. He and Jonah excused themselves pretty early and nobody tried to stop them. Everybody was highly aware of Stiles’ emotional state.

  
They got back home and two hours later after an exhausting but fun bath time and story time, Jonah was finally asleep and Stiles collapsed on the living room couch.

  
A knock on the door woke him up from his half-sleep. Stiles stumbled through his dark hallway and peeked through the peephole.

  
To his shock, it revealed Derek Hale standing in front of his door.

 

  
_******* _

   
‘’Yes,’’ Derek said.

  
Stiles’ jaw fell to the floor in surprise. When he half jokingly asked Derek to move in with him after almost a year of their non-dating, that was the least expected response. Stiles wasn’t that sure it was a great idea himself, but he was so desperate to make his relationship with Derek work, to move it to another level. He was ready to do anything. He loved him dearly.

  
And it had been almost a year. A whole year of Stiles trying to ask Derek out on a date and failing; a year of Stiles begging Derek to treat his father with more respect, as John was his boyfriend’s father, technically speaking. Stiles couldn’t even remember if Derek ever referred to Stiles as his boyfriend. Every time Stiles tried to push the conversation to more serious levels, Derek got upset or angry. He growled, his face contorted into a grimace:

  
‘’What do you want from me, Stiles? Hearts and flowers? You won’t get any, so quit it! You knew who I am; you knew what you were getting into. What, do you want me to hold your hand while we walk? To write you a Valentine card? Just stop pestering me with that relationship bullshit, I can’t stand it!’’

  
Stiles stood dumbstruck and then collapsed onto his knees in front of him: ‘’No, no, I won’t do it ever again, Derek, I’m sorry, baby! I’m so sorry!’’

  
He grabbed Derek’s hand and pressed it against his wet face. Derek just stared stonily away.

  
‘’I won’t mention it again, love, please, believe me, I… Do you want some coffee, do you want a sandwich? I’ll make you some, just how you like it’’, Stiles begged, tears now freely falling from his eyes. He was so stupid. Why did he have to say anything? He always ruined everything. Everything was just fine before he opened his stupid mouth.

  
Derek jerked his hand away.

  
‘’Jesus… get a grip. I don’t want damn coffee!’’ He shouted viciously and stormed out.

  
Stiles didn’t try to stop him; he knew it was no use. Instead, he tried to calm down, afraid that someone would come and see him like that. But everybody mainly knew the situation and stopped coming altogether. Nobody liked his relationship with Derek. They thought Stiles was too dependent, too submissive and that he loved Derek much more than Derek loved him, if he loved him at all. But they didn’t know, Stiles thought. They didn’t know how Derek made Stiles feel and how much Stiles adored him.

  
Stiles was aware that the only part of their relationship that was functioning was in the bedroom. It was the only place where Derek showed him any kindness, where he gave him soft touches and shared kind words. Where he called him baby and caressed him tenderly for hours. Where he fucked him all night, making him come two, three times in a row and then held him until he fell asleep. Where he touched him reverently and kissed every inch of him until he melted in ecstasy. Derek adored Stiles’ body, but Stiles knew very well that Derek didn’t stay around just for sex. Derek could get that anywhere. He was gorgeous, attractive beyond sanity and people were falling over themselves to get his attention. Only he never gave them any; Stiles knew Derek was his. He only wished he was his a little bit more.

  
Things changed between them after John'd died, not surviving a bullet shot into his head by a bank robber. Stiles was devastated; Derek held him for days, not saying anything, just holding him while Stiles cried. He helped him with the funeral arrangements and with the bills. He helped him clear the house. So when a month later Stiles asked him to move in, surprising himself and fully expecting a grumpy no for an answer, Derek surprised him even more and said yes. Stiles felt triumphant. He thought it was good enough evidence that Derek was making an effort for him.

  
Their life together was stormy, but Stiles was still so happy, just to have Derek around, to be with him. Sometimes, Derek wanted to be alone and Stiles gave him that. He wasn’t talkative and hated Stiles’ incessant chattering, so Stiles stopped talking. Stiles tried to have nice family meals with Derek, but Derek hated the domesticity of it, so Stiles just prepared him his favorite food and kept it warm for him until Derek got hungry. Every Stiles’ attempt at social activities was cut in the bud. Derek even kept the pack business away from the house they shared, since he still kept the loft for that purpose. Stiles didn’t mind. Every relationship was based on compromise, after all.

  
Deep down, Stiles knew it wasn’t the best relationship possible, but he was willing to compromise. He hoped that Derek would mellow out in years since he had no doubt in his mind that they would stay together forever. Derek never promised him anything, Stiles knew that, but he was just certain they were meant for each other. Most of all, Stiles hoped for something which he never even dared mention to Derek. Stiles hoped for a baby, a little child of their own, for a family. Derek never said anything, but Stiles wasn’t stupid. Derek fucked him every night, without a condom, sometimes more than once. Every sexual activity of theirs ended with Derek fucking Stiles into the mattress. It was Derek’s wish for them not to use any protection, claiming they didn’t need it. It was Derek’s wish to fill Stiles up every night with his semen, until it dripped out of Stiles for hours to Derek’s enjoyment. He loved pushing it all back in Stiles’ fucked out hole with his fingers. He had to know Stiles could get pregnant.

  
So when Stiles finally did, he was so happy and so sure Derek would be, too. He couldn’t wait to tell Derek the news. He was absolutely positive Derek would be thrilled.

 

  
_*******_  

  
Stiles slowly opened the door a little, while he remained behind them. He wasn’t letting Derek in. He didn’t think he could survive it.

  
‘’What do you want?’’, he asked Derek.

  
Derek stood motionless, speechless. His eyes glinted in the darkness of the hallway, still beautiful as ever.

  
‘’Can we talk?’’, he finally whispered. ‘’I have some things I need to say to you, to explain. I… Maybe that is the right thing to do. I’m not sure. I can go if you want.’’

 

Stiles looked at him, wondering what he really wanted. For a second, a hint of hope flared in his heart, but no, that wasn’t possible, that was crazy. Stiles hated himself for it.

  
‘’Come in’’, Stiles opened the door all the way.

After all, he wanted to hear what he had to say. He could be civil and not some pathetic little mess who couldn’t handle a talk with his ex.

  
Derek walked in silently, looking around the apartment. He was dressed in a pair of black slacks which fitted him perfectly, and a dark maroon henley, stretched tightly across his chest and arms. Stiles watched him with longing. The apartment was small, so there wasn’t much to look at, and it was only lit by the flickering TV light.

  
‘’It’s nice’’, Derek said, and Stiles couldn’t believe he came for a frivolous chitchat. After everything. He wanted to bite something venomous back, like ’how’s your wife?’, or just plain and simple ‘long time, no see’, but he didn’t. He was too strung out, too jittery for that.

Derek sat on the couch and Stiles sat on the other end of it. They were still close. Stiles could smell him, the distinctive smell of Derek. It was never cologne or detergent, and Stiles for the life of him could never figure out what made Derek smell so pleasantly. He was acutely aware he was dressed only in his flimsy pajama bottoms and a thin t-shirt.

  
‘’Are you all right?’’, asked Derek.

  
Stiles stared at him, his brain unable to compute that Derek was sitting inches away and that nothing really changed for Stiles. He wanted him like he always had, needed him like air.

  
Derek tried again, ‘’I hope you are fine.’’

  
He didn’t know what to say. Derek was whispering, and Stiles knew it was for Jonah’s sake and because it was night and it was dark. He leaned a little, mesmerized by the sparkle of his eyes, in the quiet of the night. They stared at each other and Stiles couldn’t read Derek’s expression. His face was stone; the only movement on it was the reflection of light in his luminous eyes and his spit-wet lips. Suddenly, Derek came closer to Stiles and gripped him by the shoulders.

  
‘’Stiles, I need to know you’re all right. You… I care about you.’’

  
What the hell, Stiles thought, almost laughing hysterically inside. It had been three fucking years. Not a word from Derek. Stiles said nothing.

  
Derek lifted one of his hands and pressed his thumb on Stiles’ bottom lip, pulling it down. He looked at Stiles again, waiting for his reaction. There was none. Derek did smile then. Slowly, he leaned in and captured Stiles’ lip between his teeth. He massaged it a little and then he gripped Stiles’ face with his hand and shoved his entire tongue into his mouth.

  
Stiles was in shock. He didn’t even respond at first. Derek got even closer, and put his arm around Stiles’ neck while he touched his face with the other, effectively caging him in. Stiles didn’t resist.

  
‘’I missed you so much, baby. Kiss me now, Stiles. Did you miss me, too? I… Jesus, you smell so good, baby, you feel so good. Here, let me hold you, let me take care of you.’’

  
It was a dream.

Stiles was sure he was dreaming. He watched in fascination as Derek laid him back onto the soft cushions of the couch and took off his pajama pants.

He parted his legs and climbed on top of Stiles, fully dressed. He pushed him down with his entire, strong body and Stiles loved it. He rocked his amazing hips into him and Stiles could feel his fully erect cock nudging behind his balls, against his taint. Blood was rushing into his dick and he started to get hard, too. Maybe he was already hard, he didn’t know. He felt Derek rip his underwear off. He couldn’t even say anything; his mouth was full of Derek’s tongue. It tasted as sweet as he remembered. Stiles remained mute, lost in the maelstrom of memories and his own fantasies. Derek unerringly located his hole and using his own spit eased a finger inside him.

  
‘’So tight, baby, so perfect. How long has it been for you, Stiles? Did you sleep with anyone? Who has touched your hole? Were they good? Tell me.’’

  
Stiles closed his eyes; he couldn’t bear to look at him. He couldn’t let Derek know that the last man to fuck him was Derek; he couldn’t let him see that Stiles hadn’t had sex with anyone else in his life except Derek. But Derek knew, he could tell, like he always knew everything about Stiles. Stiles didn’t want to open his eyes and see if the realization made Derek smile.

  
Spit wasn’t enough and it hurt him a bit so he let out a soft whine. Derek jumped swiftly and Stiles heard him putter around the kitchen, looking for something. A second later, Stiles felt his oiled fingers entering his hole again. Derek scissored him expertly, opening him up with ease even though it’d been more than three years. Stiles heard the sound of a zipper opening and the next moment, Derek eased his big, rock hard dick into Stiles. He held Stiles’ legs almost entirely pressed into the couch and started to fuck into him immediately, like he couldn’t restrain himself. They were both quiet, the only sounds coming from his fucked out hole because Derek was drilling into it relentlessly. His fat head rearranged Stiles’ insides; Stiles was in a constant orgasm state. He thought he wouldn’t even feel it when he came.

  
But he did feel it. After a few minutes, Derek’s dick got impossibly harder and Derek shoved his nose into Stiles’ neck to prevent himself from releasing any sound, and pumped into Stiles with supernatural speed. Stiles exploded around his cock, his come painting both their stomachs; a few seconds later, he felt Derek coming. With horror, he realized at that moment that Derek didn’t use a condom, as usual. Stiles refused to open his eyes then, even though he felt his heart sink in. Derek remained inside him and he slowly kissed both Stiles’ eyelids, over and over again.

  
‘’Don’t look, baby, you don’t have to look. You’re safe. You were so amazing, I love fucking you, you know I do, no one gets me going like you do, you were made for me, baby’’, Derek kept whispering while he pulled his cock out and slid down Stiles’ body.

  
‘’Let me see, Stiles, open your legs… that’s right, baby’’.

  
Stiles felt Derek’s nose against the back of his thigh and his hands spreading his butt cheeks. Derek inserted three fingers at once, and Stiles whimpered. He pulled them out a little, only to push them back in again, Derek’s semen and oil easing the way. Stiles felt his dick stir again. Derek pushed the fourth finger inside. Like through fog, Stiles wondered what Derek was doing. He slid his fingers in and out, in and out, and it felt amazing. Stiles wished he could fuck him again. His hole was stretched impossibly wide and Stiles never felt Derek inserting his fifth finger; but he did feel when Derek’s entire fist slid into his hole. He heard Derek’s irregular gasps and Stiles was afraid to move, sunk deep into the cushions. With a grunt, Derek slowly pulled his fist out, and deftly climbed on top of Stiles again.

  
Stiles’ entire body moved when Derek thrust his rigid cock into him again. Stiles circled his legs around his waist and held onto the back of the couch for dear life. Derek was frantic. He pushed his hands under Stiles’ ass and lifted it up into his hips; each fuck landed Derek’s cock head straight into Stiles’ prostate. After several ferocious pumps, Stiles came like a rocket and his brain chose that moment to shut down completely.

  
Everything after that was a blur. Derek fucking into him until completion, Derek eating his own come out of his hole, Derek zipping up and straightening his clothes, and finally, Derek breathing into his ear:

  
‘’I have to go, baby. You were so good, so perfect, Stiles. Nothing has changed, you are made for me, baby. I’ll try to see you tomorrow. But I have to go now. You know. Jennifer’s waiting. I have to.’’

  
When he heard the door closing, Stiles opened his eyes. Like a robot, he got up; he stripped everything from the couch; he took off his shirt which Derek never got around to, he picked up his pajama pants and his shredded underwear and threw them into garbage. He put the cushions into the washing machine. Then he went to take a shower. He scrubbed himself violently until his skin was red. He got out, made the couch and cleaned the entire room. It was five o’clock in the morning. Then he made himself a cup of coffee and waited for Jonah to wake up.

 

**_***_ **


	2. Chapter 2

_******* _

 

Stiles knew he needed help. He couldn’t get through this on his own. Deep shame and regret were burning through his chest, mostly because of Jonah. He felt like he had betrayed him with his pathetic behavior. Also, he felt like he had betrayed himself. He had no excuses, none whatsoever. What Stiles was most afraid of, though, was that other side of him, a Derek-shaped part of him, would do anything, say anything, be anything, just for a few moments with the man.

He wished his parents were still alive. He wished he could be open to the pack about his feelings.

Most of all, he wished he was a better father to Jonah. When Stiles brought Jonah home for the first time from the adoption center, he expected a full melt down around day three – his own, not the baby’s. He was as prepared as any future parent could be; he had read all parenting books under the sun while he was waiting for the adoption to come through. But Jonah… Jonah was a miracle. He was such a sweet tempered child, who held onto his affection for Stiles like a baby koala; Stiles’ hugs and kisses were the cure for every baby ailment he had ever had. A few gentle, coaxing words were enough to get him to try any food, even cauliflower; and Stiles’ incessant stories, especially the ones about John, made Jonah worship both Stiles and his father. For Stiles could talk about John and Claudia to his son for days, and he did.

Jonah was a very smart kid, too. It was impossible for Stiles not to tell him pretty early on that he had been adopted because he wanted to base their relationship on honesty and Jonah just kept asking the right questions. Basically, their father-son relationship had passed without a single glitch so far, if you didn’t count that one time Stiles accidentally broke one of the blades on his solar helicopter and Jonah cried for an hour straight.

Until Derek came back. But Stiles wouldn’t let that happen. If he was weak enough to let Derek ruin his life, he most certainly wouldn’t let him ruin Jonah’s. He would do anything to prevent that from happening. He knew who he had to talk to, even though he dreaded it. So that was where he went.

‘’You know, he’s never going to leave Jennifer.’’

Those were the first words Lydia threw at him, unapologetic and fierce, after Stiles had somehow managed to stumble through his story, guilt-ridden and ashamed.

‘’What?’’, Stiles snapped his eyes at her, surprised to see a contemptuous smirk.

He expected her to yell at him, to be mad at him, to want to strangle him, but not this.

‘’He isn’t going to leave her for the same reason he married her in the first place,’’ Lydia ploughed on.

Stiles was completely confused. He had no idea what she was talking about. He could hear Jonah and Jackson playing in the backyard, where there was sunshine and grass and flowers. He wanted to be there, where everything was beautiful and nothing hurt, not in Lydia’s living room under her cruel eye. He felt like he was in hell.

‘’Stiles, honey, you know I love you, but you really need to talk to Derek.’’

Stiles jumped at that like he was burned.

‘’What?! No! I need to get away from Derek; I need to never speak with him again. How can you say that? Didn’t you listen to me, didn’t you hear what happened? What I’ve done? ’’, Stiles was getting hysterical.

Calmly, Lydia knelt in front of him and enveloped both of his hands in hers, as much as she could.

‘’Do you trust me, Stiles? Don’t you know that you can’t run away? That you’re not alone, that Jonah has a life here? You have to be stronger, Stiles.’’

Stiles calmed down, not because of Lydia’s words, but because of a certain acceptance that steadied his heart. When he opened his mouth to speak, his voice was quiet and serene.

‘’Lydia, you know that I can live without him, I think I have proven that to you all. I can function, I can think, I can be a good father. I’ve survived. I can be strong. But you also have to know that he is the only man I can be with, the only one I can imagine myself with. If I have to, I’ll spend my entire life alone. I don’t care. I don’t really need anyone, I just need him. I still don’t know what happened, and it doesn’t matter right now. I know I can't have him. But he is the only person I will ever love.

I just can’t trust myself when I’m with him. I don’t see it as a weakness. It’s hurting me, but I would always choose that pain over his absence, or his indifference. I don’t feel humiliated emotionally because my heart and my mind know and accept the love I feel for him. Every day I wake up and face the world knowing that he is in it, that he is alive, and that is enough for me. I want him to be happy, wherever and with whomever that is. I know you don’t understand, that nobody does. And it doesn’t matter. What matters is Jonah and he doesn’t know. He can’t know.’’

When he finished, he looked at Lydia, surprised. Her flawless face was wet with tears and a few strands of her beautiful hair were plastered to her cheeks.

‘’Stiles… A lot of things happened that you don’t know. We tried to protect you as much as we could. We… I mean, the pack made some decisions together, decisions that involved you and the fact that you needed protection. I still think we made the right ones. It’s just that bad things kept happening to you and we never got around, I never got around to talking to you, explaining things to you. It never felt like the right time.

I still think you should speak with him. I think it would be for the best. You don't have to see him in order to talk. There are these wonders of modern technology, you know, like computers and phones. You could text, or exchange e-mails. God knows he can’t string two sentences together, but you could try.’’

Stiles hugged her, smiling. Although nothing was resolved, he felt much better. He held her tiny frame in his arms, breathing in the sweet smell of her shampoo.

‘’I don’t know. Perhaps. I’ll think about it. Maybe he doesn’t want to. But it isn’t such a horrible idea because it definitely doesn’t include the two of us sharing the same space’’, he laughed.

When he looked through the window, Jonah was chasing what looked like a completely wet Jackson across the yard with a garden hose. He laughed again.

 

_******* _

 

 

**From: derek.hale@gmail.com**

**To: stiles@stilinski.com**

April, 7th

 

Dear Stiles,

Lydia gave me your e-mail address.

I know you don’t want to see me. I understand.

If you have any questions, I can reply. Also, if you need anything, I can help you, just tell me. We can talk like this, if you want.

I hope you and Jonah are well.

Derek

PS// There are a lot of things I would like to say to you, I just don’t know if you want to hear them. That’s why I suggested that you ask me.

 

**From: stiles@stilinski.com**

**To: derek.hale@gmail.com**

April, 11th

Hello, Derek

You don’t have to be so formal. It’s us; we can talk like friends, not like business partners, right? I don’t mind that Lydia gave you my e-mail. She thinks it would be good for me. I still don’t see how, or why, but we can try.

It’s not that I don’t want to see you, Derek. It’s that it is very difficult for me. We shouldn’t have done what we did when we saw each other last time, you realize that? It was wrong because you’re married and you cheated on your wife. And I behaved irresponsibly regarding my son. It was a mistake and it should never happen again. 

I do have some questions for you, but I’m pretty sure you already know them. I’m afraid your replies won’t change much, if anything. I doubt they will make me feel any better. If you’re looking to alleviate your guilty conscience, then I think talking to you is perhaps a bad idea for me.

Jonah and I are fine. I’m feeling a bit sick lately, but it’s nothing to worry about.

Stiles

 

**From: derek.hale@gmail.com**

**To: stiles@stilinski.com**

April, 11th

Dear Stiles,

Alright, I accept your challenge. Here are the questions I think you would like to ask me:

1\. Why did you leave me?

2\. Why did you not want a serious relationship with me?

3\. Why did you not want to start a family with me?

4\. Why did you marry someone else?

5\. Why did you not stay in touch for years?

6\. Why did you come to my apartment after three years of silence and had sex with me while my son was sleeping in the other room?

7\. Why don’t you love me?

How did I do?

Derek

 

**From: stiles@stilinski.com**

**To: derek.hale@gmail.com**

April, 17th

I have to say I was shocked by your e-mail. I never expected nor thought that you could be this direct. You’ve always kept me in the dark about everything that I got used to it, I guess.

Yes, I would like to know your answers to those questions, Derek. You did well.

I’m sorry I didn’t inquire about your well-being in my last e-mail, but I simply forgot. I do hope you are happy and healthy. I still feel a little under the weather, so I’ve made an appointment with my doctor next week, just in case.

Jonah is great! He’s finally learned to ride a bike without the little wheels.

Bye,

Stiles

PS// the only question you didn’t get quite right is the last one, Derek. During the years that we spent together, and the last three that we didn’t, I never doubted your love for me. Never. Even after everything you’ve done to me, and said to me, I always knew you loved me.

What confuses me is your use of present tense. It’s hardly a relevant question now. You have your new life, and I have mine. We’re just trying to resolve some past issues here, right? And stop ourselves from creating new problems in the present.

 

**From: derek.hale@gmail.com**

**To: stiles@stilinski.com**

April, 17th

**Subject: 1. Why did you leave me?**

Dear Stiles,

One month before I found out that you were pregnant with our child, the pack had received a formal demand for relinquishing of the Hale land to the Wellington pack.

We were expected to merge, according to their demand. But we knew the merge part was just a ruse. We knew they wouldn’t allow foreign pack among their members, especially not me. They just wanted the territory.

I’m sure you’ve heard of the Wellington pack before. They are the biggest and strongest pack of the West coast. Their alpha is James Wellington, a cruel, ferocious alpha abiding by the Machiavellian laws.

He was the man who shot your father, Stiles. The bank robbery story was just a cover. I’m sorry you had to find out about it like this. I never wanted you to know. If I’d known about it, if I could have done anything to prevent it, I would. You have to know that. I respected your father very much. I knew what he meant to you. I would have moved heaven and earth to protect him. His assassination was an instant strike, a blow meant to send a very clear and instant message to me, beyond any doubt, about what would happen if I didn’t cooperate. For them, it was just a simple warning.

For me, it was the end.

The next victim on his ‘’How to obtain the Hale territory in the easiest and quickest way possible’’ list was you.

The reason they targeted you was obvious. You were the target, I was the reason. So I had to remove myself if I wanted to keep you alive.

I left you, and I'm not sorry about it.

But it will be the subject of my next letter.

I am so sorry about your father,

Derek

 

**From: derek.hale@gmail.com**

**To: stiles@stilinski.com**

April, 18th

**Subject: 2. Why did you not want a serious relationship with me?**

Dear Stiles,

I couldn’t have a serious relationship with you and I knew it from the beginning. Whether I wanted it or not is not the issue here, it never was, for me.

Just to remove any confusion, I wanted EVERYTHING with you. But I couldn't have it.

My first priority was never our relationship, it is true. It was your life. So, it was my decision, and the decision of the pack, to behave accordingly.

That’s why we couldn’t go out on dates.

That’s why it had to be clear to everyone that you meant little to me, that you were of little significance to me. That you are not a good target.

That’s why I never asked you to marry me.

I thought I was making justified sacrifices, but I should have made an even greater one and never allow myself to have anything with you. But I was too weak for that.

I shouldn’t have moved in with you. It was a mistake, a weakness on my part, which I regret to this day. But I was weak, and I knew you needed me after John’s death. I knew that occasional visits wouldn’t have been enough for you, so I came to live with you even though the entire pack was against it. I think they still hate me for that. It was putting you in too much risk.

Why I regret it? Because I still had to make it perfectly clear both to you and everybody else that we did not have a proper relationship. I couldn’t give that to you.

The fact that I had to behave like a complete bastard to you tainted our love. It broke something between us forever. I knew that we could never have a serious relationship because the pack wasn’t strong enough. I wasn’t strong enough. I’m still not strong enough.

But you’re safe now. That’s all that matters.

Your,

Derek

 

**From: derek.hale@gmail.com**

**To: stiles@stilinski.com**

April, 19th

**Subject: 3. Why did you not want to start a family with me?**

My dear Stiles,

Starting a family with you, that’s the next subject, the hardest one for me. But I’m smiling even though it hurts. I wish you could see me right now. I’m smiling just for reading the words. I know you would be surprised. All you ever saw was my grumpy face, as you and the pack like to call it.

If there is anything I ever wanted, anything I ever dared to dream about, it is family. My lost family, and my new family with you. Knowing I can’t have it was the least of my worries. I stopped expecting anything good for myself a long time ago. I failed to keep my first family alive.

No, that doesn’t sound right. I am directly responsible for their deaths. That is the truth.

And I will be damned if I make the same mistake with you. I would do anything, I will do anything… I am doing everything to keep you and Jonah alive.

When you told me you were pregnant, it was the most wonderful thing in the entire world and the most horrible at the same time. By then, I knew I had to leave in order to save you, to save the pack. But when you told me you were carrying our baby, I just couldn’t. I was weak again and I hated myself for it.

You know, I know what you think, Stiles. I know you think you are weak for loving me. But that’s not true. You’re the strongest person I know. Your love for me is what’s keeping me alive. I face this world every day just because I know you’re in it. And Jonah now, too. I am the one who is weak. When you miscarried, the despair I felt tore me apart. But, it did get me to move on, to do what I was supposed to do. To be strong for you, for the pack. It’s better like this, baby. You have Jonah now, you have your family, and you are safe.

Forever yours,

Derek

 

**From: derek.hale@gmail.com**

**To: stiles@stilinski.com**

April, 20th

**Subject: 4. Why did you marry someone else?**

Dearest Stiles,

The marriage between Jennifer Blake, daughter of the alpha of the Blake pack, and Derek Hale, the alpha of the Hale pack, was arranged by the emissaries of said packs, Marin Morrell and Lydia Martin, as a part of the mutually beneficial agreement which included the merger of the Blake and Hale territories, thus making the threat from the Wellington pack towards both our packs void.

The contract was signed on November, 1st, 2014.

It was signed three months after Jonah became your son.

Forever yours,

Derek

PS// Jennifer knows why I entered the arrangement. She… knows about you.

 

**From: derek.hale@gmail.com**

**To: stiles@stilinski.com**

April, 21st

**Subject: 5. Why did you not stay in touch for years?**

My beautiful Stiles,

I didn’t stay in touch in order to prevent my actions from hurting you anymore. I couldn’t say anything until all pack business was in order, until all threats were eliminated. I didn’t stay in touch because it hurt ME too much. I knew I had to do it, and why, but it never stopped hurting. But all my pain was worth it and easier to manage because I knew it kept you safe. I could take it.

What I couldn’t take, and I still can’t, is your pain. How will you ever forgive me? I’m not worthy of you, I never was. I almost lost you, Stiles. If it weren’t for Lydia who had found the solution and negotiated the merger, I would have lost you. I won’t beg for forgiveness, because I know I don’t deserve it.

Forever yours,

Derek

 

**From: derek.hale@gmail.com**

**To: stiles@stilinski.com**

April, 22nd

**Subject: 6. Why did you come to my apartment after three years of silence and have sex with me while my son was sleeping in the other room?**

Dearest Stiles,

There’s nothing I can say in my defense. You should despise me forever. I came to talk with you, but the sight of you, the smell of you, it was just too much after three years of starvation.

Listen to me, I am so pathetic. I was never able to resist you. One mistake after the other, just because of my weakness. To come to the apartment of a single father and his son and behave so despicably, it’s beyond forgiveness.

I am so sorry, Stiles. I would rather die before I hurt Jonah or you, and yet I did it. It’s because I am such a weak excuse for a man.

I’ll carry the shame and regret for everything that I did to you until the day I die.

I will never bother you again. You really should stay away from me, you are right to want it.

Forever yours,

Derek

 

**From: derek.hale@gmail.com**

**To: stiles@stilinski.com**

April, 23rd

**Subject: 7. Why don’t you love me?**

My dearest Stiles,

I love you and I will love you until the day I die. You are the one for me. My lover, my husband, my family. That is the reality of my heart. Where my father is still my father, my mother is still my mother, and my sisters are still my sisters, no matter what this world’s reality says.

I love you.

Forever yours,

Derek

 

*******

 

 

_ONE MONTH LATER_

 

‘’Mr. Stillinski, I have your test results, sir. Would you like me to tell you over the phone?’’

Stiles was holding his phone in one hand and popping peanuts into his mouth with the other. It was movie night and Jonah and he were watching 'Despicable Me'. He wasn’t worried about his visit to the doctor the day before or the results because he was already feeling much better. His sickness was gone. 

‘’Sure.’’

‘’Congratulations, sir. You’re five weeks pregnant.’’

 

*******

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

_******* _

‘’Did you know spiders are not insects? They’re arcades, papa.’’

‘’It’s ‘arachnids’, sweet child o’mine, not ‘arcades’. But you’re right. Good job, Jonah. Did you know that only five per cent of the world’s population has ever been on an airplane? And now you’re one of those five percent.’’

‘’You, too, papa. And did you know that it takes a spider one hour to spin a web?’’

Stiles laughed, slowly losing hope that Jonah would grow tired and fall asleep in his seat, but the kid was just too excited. This was his first plane ride and he was bubbling with excitement. Stiles on the other hand was exhausted. The entire process from the decision making, over packing and finally leaving Beacon Hills had drained him both emotionally and physically. And now, they were in the air, flying away from the long list of things that could harm his children or him there.

There was not a single speck of doubt in him that he was doing the right thing. He needed peace for his pregnancy. He needed absence of chaos.

‘’Can we talk about spiders some other time, buddy?’’, Stiles murmured, his head already lolling against the headrest. But Jonah had already found his entertainment. He leaned his head in Stiles’ lap and curled his little body in his seat, watching the world go by through the airplane window. Stiles lifted his hand and started to pet his son’s curls.

‘’When I grow old and bald, will you give me some of your hair, sunshine?’’

His son giggled, his head bouncing lightly against Stiles’ thigh. Stiles was in heaven, both literally and metaphorically. He briefly wondered why he didn’t feel more afraid of what was to come, of what the future would bring, but he simply wasn’t. He had money for the plane tickets and not much else. But, he knew he would be provided for where he was going, and that he could get a job later on, after the baby was born. He didn’t want to ask the pack for money because he didn’t want them to know his plans or where he was; and he most certainly didn’t want to ask Derek.

He couldn’t think about Derek right now. Everything was just too complicated. There was a little regret in Stiles because he never responded to Derek’s e-mails and a lot of regret because he couldn’t, he wouldn’t tell him about the baby right now. It was the best possible option for all parties involved. Maybe someday he could tell him, when enough time had passed and the circumstances miraculously changed; but not now. He continued running his fingers through Jonah’s hair. The simple action calmed him down.

‘’Sunshine, remember what papa told you where we're going? We’re going to a faraway land called Peru, and then to a little Peruvian island in the Pacific ocean. It's a small island, Isla Indenpendencia, and next to it, there's another small island called Santa Rosa... Papa’s going to teach you how to fish there, just like your Grandpa used to do. You can let the fish go, if you want... And we’re going to watch the seabirds and seagulls, and make birdhouses for them from real wood... And learn how to swim without armbands... Papa’s going to teach you how to row, too... You’re going to be the most handsome captain ever, Jonah… Or you could be a pirate, and Papa’s going to make you your little boat... We’re going to build fires on the beach in the evening and look for shells in the morning…’’

Stiles’ hand stilled on Jonah’s head and his voice finally faded into silence, as he joined his son in the land of dreams.

 

_******* _

Stiles stared at the man in front of him with a frown, holding Jonah in one hand, and dragging their suitcases with the other.

‘’Why didn’t Cora come to pick us up?’’

Peter Hale threw his head back and laughed loudly, clutching his hands over his stomach. He looked good, tanned and with a healthy glow to his skin.

‘’Well, I’m happy to see you, too, Stiles. Was your flight pleasant? Did you manage to catch some sleep?’’

Stiles just stood there, not knowing how to greet him – but Peter didn’t seem to have the same problem. He approached Stiles and enveloped him in a bear hug, somehow managing to include half-asleep Jonah and their mountain of luggage.

‘’Come on, Stiles. Don’t be grumpy. You didn’t really expect Cora to give you a ride to the coast and then drive the boat? By the way, I missed you’’, he threw him his trademark smirk and took his bags from Stiles’ hand.

‘’Why not? I really doubt she would have had any problems doing just that.’’

Peter started laughing again. ‘’Ah, you’re a breath of fresh air, Stiles. Don’t be ungrateful; I even got a car seat for the kid. Come on, Cora’s waiting.’’

Stiles had to admit at least one thing to Peter – he was always good company. The car was big, but it looked like it was one road bump away from falling apart. It looked worse than Stiles’ beloved childhood jeep. Later, Stiles would find out that Cora and Peter just didn’t care. It fit perfectly with their faraway island recluse shtick, too. It certainly wasn’t for the lack of money.

‘’There’s a reason why we chose these particular islands for our base, you know. Between Independencia and Santa Rosa there is a shallow channel, where isolated reefs and rocks make the area dangerous for maritime traffic, being only passable by smaller boats and people familiar with the area. It’s good for preventing the potential enemies from coming to us. But, alas, it is also tricky for us, too. I still can’t let Cora go by herself; although she is great with boats!’’, Peter chattered while he drove.

‘’Peter, stop the car’’, Stiles yelped from the back seat.

‘’Oh, come on, Stiles, what, do you really want me to get Cora for you? You’ll have to wait here then, in the middle of nowh…’’ 

'’Stop the car, or I’ll throw up all over your back!’’, Stiles managed to force the words past Jonah’s little blanket which he held over his mouth.

Peter did stop then and Stiles stumbled through the door, only barely managing to reach a bush and empty his stomach there. He then sat down on the dirt road, resting his head on his knee.

Peter approached him, carrying a bottle of water. ‘’Here. Have some. Are you all right, Stiles?’’

‘’Yeah. It’s nothing… I’m pregnant, that’s all.’’ Stiles just might as well get it out of the way.

Peter’s eyebrows shot up a little in surprise. ‘’Well, then. Congratulations! Who’s the lucky father?’’

Stiles threw him a murderous glare. ‘’I’m the lucky father, you…’’, Stiles almost cursed, but then he remembered Jonah could be listening.

Peter rolled his eyes and helped him get up. ‘’Oh, for crying out loud, Stiles, I know that, but who’s the other father?’’

Stiles climbed back in the car. ‘’Can we just go?’’

Peter continued to drive and thankfully, he seemed to let the subject drop, at least for now. It wasn’t until they were on the boat, approaching the shore of Isla Indenpendencia, that he turned to Stiles and said: ‘’There’s only one possible father candidate whose name you’d be reluctant to share with me, Stiles.’’

Stiles wanted to strangle him. ‘’Shut up, Peter.’’

It definitely wasn’t one of his smartest comebacks.

 

*******

Stiles didn’t know what to expect from his life in Peru when he first came here, but what he got was beyond his wildest expectations. For lack of better words, it was amazing. Cora and he had always gotten along well; here, their relationship was even better. She was older and more serious, and for the reasons unknown to Stiles, fiercely protective of him. Maybe it was because she missed him, or maybe because she felt he was in trouble. Stiles didn’t like to think about it, but it was also maybe because she knew that his unborn child was Derek’s. Neither she nor Peter ever asked him again who the father was, and Stiles feared that it wasn’t for the lack of curiosity or because they were being tactful – for the two of them were the least tactful people Stiles knew, but because they knew it was Derek.

Funnily enough, Stiles realized that only Peter and Cora never let Stiles know what they thought about his relationship with Derek. Where the rest of the pack was vocal in their disapproval, the two of them spent a few times they came to Beacon Hills strictly on business, with Peter throwing in a few obligatory lascivious jokes and Cora trying to persuade Stiles to come live with her in Peru. Who knew that so many years later, Stiles would take her up on her joke of an offer – but he did. Not only because Cora was his friend, but also because he wanted to have his child among family, among the Hales.

And Peter… Peter was wonderful. Somewhere along the line, during the first couple of months on the island, he dropped the creepy, perverted uncle façade and became Stiles’ friend. He helped Stiles organize Jonah and his little cottage because they didn’t live in the main house with the rest of them. He made Jonah a swing and brought comfy chairs for their front porch so that Stiles had a place to rest. He taught Jonah how to whittle with blunt tools, first on soaps, then on little pieces of wood. When Cora and Stiles made dinner in the main house’s kitchen, he took Jonah for walks and they would bring back pretty stones and shells for Jonah’s garden collection. He bought them books whenever he went to the mainland and sometimes he and Jonah would look for beautiful feathers and keep them between the pages of the books.

There were only two more people who lived in the main house with the Hales, Sandra and Gabriel Ortega; they were siblings and both of them were dark skinned, tall and very beautiful, with long, wavy hair. Stiles liked the Ortegas because neither of them had typical pack behavior nor imposed usual pack dynamics; even though Sandra was the alpha of the pack and Gabriel her second. Perhaps that was the reason they accepted Stiles and his son so easily. They mainly left Stiles alone, and not even once asked him to join their pack. Stiles vaguely wondered why.

Stiles spent his days doing all the things he loved; playing with Jonah, helping Peter make furniture for the new baby or cooking with Cora. He loved to rest in his hammock that Peter hung for him, read a book and watch Jonah run half naked doing god knows what – he had already caught so much sun that Stiles barely recognized him. He lost almost all of his baby fat, his limbs got longer and more elegant and his hair was too long because he wouldn’t let Stiles cut it. He ate well, slept well and was bursting with health.

Jonah was fascinated with Stiles’ belly. He knew there was a baby there and sometimes he would help Stiles rub his stomach with coconut oil. Once he managed to spill the entire bottle all over Stiles because the hammock rocked a little and he lost his balance. He ran away immediately, as if Stiles could jump out of the hammock and chase after him. But Peter saw what happened from where he was chopping wood and approached Stiles; without any hesitation whatsoever, like it was the most normal thing to do, he put his large hands over Stiles’ protruding belly and started to rub the oil in.

‘’Don’t be a peasant, Stiles. I’m only filling in for Jonah. Relax.’’

And Stiles did relax, to his own surprise.

 

_******* _

Stiles was lying under the parasol, dozing off in the warmth of the late September sun. They were on the beach on the western side of the island, where the force of the waves had eroded parts of the shore forming abrupt cliffs. He could hear the ecstatic yells and laughter of the local children who were climbing up and down those cliffs like monkeys, collecting oysters, and Jonah was with them. Stiles wasn’t worried, though. He knew they were under Sandra’s watchful eyes; she and Gabriel were the ones who taught Jonah that particular local skill, to the boy’s infinite delight.

Tiny drops of the ocean water sprinkled Stiles’ legs every time the waves crashed across the cliffs. Through his eyelashes, Stiles watched the sun filter through the green and yellow stripes of the parasol, his hands over his belly. The baby was turning inside of him and Stiles could clearly feel its little feet and elbows and knees through the thin skin of his stomach. Even though he was always under some form of cover, Stiles’ skin caught some sun during the summer and it wasn’t that pale anymore; it looked good and healthy. His hair also turned lighter.

With his sluggish mind, Stiles idly wondered if his baby was a boy or a girl. He didn’t want to know, which he immediately told his doctor in Santa Rosa during his regular checkups. He hoped that he or she would have Derek’s eyes and Derek’s smile and Derek’s everything, really. He caressed his warm belly with his hands.

He felt somebody sit next to him. It was Gabriel.

Stiles smiled at him and couldn’t help but admire the man’s beauty. His dark skin was covered in water droplets glistening in the sun and all Stiles could see of his face with sunshine as the backdrop were his luminous dark eyes and the pearly shine of his white teeth. He looked like a model, Stiles thought. He could see Jonah looking exactly like that in twenty years, only with much lighter hair and eyes.

Gabriel took a grape from the table next to Stiles’ chair. There were several plates filled with fruit and two jugs, one with water and one with lemonade. Cora was spoiling Stiles rotten.

‘’You are drinking enough water, yes?’’

Stiles laughed. Gabriel’s accent was so cute and his concern for Stiles’ well being was cute, too. ‘’Yes, Gabriel, plenty of water. And I’m eating fruit. And staying out of the sun.’’

‘’Good, that is good.’’

Stiles could feel Gabriel’s eyes on him; he could sense the man’s interest. It never got beyond that, beyond politely expressed interest on Gabriel’s part and Stiles stopped feeling uncomfortable around him months ago. The man seemed to understand that Stiles wasn’t emotionally available. Whether he sensed it or was warned off by the Hales, Stiles didn’t know. By now, Stiles was absolutely certain that Peter and Cora knew the baby was Derek’s. They sat him down one night, after they grew tired of Stiles expressing his gratitude for taking Jonah and him in, for supporting them, for taking care of them, and in no uncertain terms told Stiles to stop it; they also told him he was safe there and that they wouldn’t tell anyone anything about Stiles as long as that was what Stiles wanted.

He knew that Scott called a few times and asked them if they knew where Stiles was. That was the last thing Stiles wanted – for the pack to know. He wasn’t mad at them; he just wasn’t ready or willing to confront them. During his stay in Peru, Stiles went over what had happened in his head many times and he thought that the pack did what they thought was best, but in the process of it, he also realized that they stopped being his friends somewhere along the line. They didn’t understand him, they didn’t talk with him and they kept things hidden from him. Perhaps that was the only way possible for them, but it didn’t mean Stiles had to like it.

“Can I ask you something?’’ Gabriel’s voice interrupted Stiles’ stream of thoughts. Stiles forgot he was there and felt a little embarrassed because of that. He nodded apologetically.

‘’Are you going to stay here after the baby is born?’’ Gabriel rushed to continue: ‘’You are welcome to stay, of course. You don’t have to join the pack, but… Sandra thinks you could work with us, perhaps? There isn’t much work for a spark here, but we could use… your help. Not often, not much, but sometimes.’’

Stiles closed his eyes. He wouldn’t mind that, but he just didn't know. He didn’t know what he wanted.

There was one thing he knew he needed to do, though; but he kept putting it off. It was time.

He got up from his chair and looked at Gabriel: ‘’If I stay here, you can count on me.’’

 

_******* _

That night, while Jonah was sleeping and all the lights in the house were turned off, Stiles opened up his lap top, and began to type.

**From: stiles@stilinski.com**

**To: derek.hale@gmail.com**

September, 30th

Derek,

I must have started this e-mail in my head a thousand times and yet, here I am, actually typing it and not knowing how to start.

First, let me tell you that I have received and read all your letters. I was right - your replies changed absolutely nothing for me, at least not for the better.

My father was still gone, and you were someone else’s. I had nothing to say to you, so I didn’t.

But I do have something to say to you now: I am six months pregnant with our child. The only reason I’m telling you this, beyond the obvious one which is that you are the baby’s father and you deserve to know, is because if you want, you can come see the child after it’s born. I don’t expect anything from you. I’m just making it clear to you that if you wish, you could come see him or her. I still don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl.

Also, know this: I’m not coming back to Beacon Hills. It would probably be more convenient for you if you wanted to see the child if I was there, but that’s not going to happen. There’s nothing for me there but hurt and pain. I wouldn't be able to stand living in the same town with you and your wife.

I haven’t joined the local pack yet, but they asked me and it’ll probably happen eventually.

I hope my e-mail finds you and your family in good health,

Stiles

 

**From: derek.hale@gmail.com**

**To: stiles@stilinski.com**

September, 30th

WHERE ARE YOU?!

WHERE ARE YOU?!

WHERE ARE YOU?!

 

**From: stiles@stilinski.com**

**To: derek.hale@gmail.com**

September, 30th

Derek,

There is no point in me telling you where I am now, is it? There are still three more months left until the baby is born.

I’ll tell you then,

Stiles

 

*******

Not once did Stiles log into his account after his last conversation with Derek. He didn’t care what Derek had to say and he didn’t want to tell him where he was. He was lying in his bed with Jonah who had a nightmare, probably triggered by violent December storms. There’d been a lot of thunder and lightning the previous night. He could barely hug him properly since his stomach was impossibly huge and taut like a drum, but he managed somehow, Jonah’s little body feeling warm from sleep and pleasant against his belly.

The baby was due any day now – Stiles and Peter and Cora agreed it would be best if they brought the doctor from Santa Rosa to Stiles, not vice versa. The waters between Indenpendencia and Santa Rosa were particularly challenging during winter months.

Everything was ready for the baby. Peter made a lovely crib from oak and Sandra and Gabriel gave him the rest of the furniture including the changing table and the rocking chair which seemed to be on rotation from family to family depending on who was having a baby on the island at the moment. The island was very small and there were only three other families apart from the Ortegas and the Hales; so there never was more than one baby who needed it. Cora brought packets and packets of baby clothes and diapers every time she and Peter went to the mainland, and once they took Jonah with them, they returned with four bags filled to the brim with plushies, toys and soft baby pillows.

Stiles was ready. He was scared of giving birth a little, but he found it only natural. The pregnancy seemed to progress perfectly; both the baby and he were in excellent health. Even though it was winter, the weather wasn’t too cold. There was no snow, only occasional cold winds and rain brought over by the frigid waters of the Humboldt Current from the Pacific. Their cottage was warm, since Peter kept it chock full of wood all the time. A few logs in the fireplace from time to time were enough to make the house toasty warm even in the worst of weathers.

Three days after Jonah lost a tooth and demanded new paddles for his boat as compensation, and one day after Gabriel gave Stiles a beautiful set of baby linens, white as snow, with tiny pale blue dolphins embroidered around the edges, it began. The doctor was fetched immediately; Peter and Cora stayed in the living room with Jonah. Stiles didn’t want anyone else there, only the family.

It hurt, and even more than the strong contractions, Stiles’ body was wrecked by the formation of the birthing channel on his taint. Male pregnancies were as normal as female ones, but it was the delivery that significantly differed. And Stiles wanted the highly risky natural birth.

He was almost completely quiet. The contractions were so violent that they almost cut the airflow to his lungs every few minutes. He could barely take a breath then, let alone scream. He could feel the baby’s head pressing against his taint and hoped that everything was alright down there.

The doctor didn’t touch him for the first four or five hours except to check his heart rate and the baby’s, listening through a device pressed against Stiles’ stomach. ‘How very medieval’, Stiles thought with mirth. But then, after the contractions got frequent and regular, the doctor uncovered Stiles’ legs and bent them in the knees. Gently, he felt behind Stiles’ balls and went over his taint.

Stiles felt his fingers enter his new birthing hole there. ‘’Stiles, you’re ready. Your body is ready and the baby, too. You’re seven centimeters open. It could be better, but we’ll give it a try. When you feel the next contraction, start pushing.’’ And Stiles did. He wasn’t tired, not yet; and the pain was like a distant reminder of what was going on.

But Stiles was in a different plane of existence right now. It was his baby coming to him. All he could feel was overwhelming happiness. He felt the next contraction coming and he curled almost in half. He reached his thighs, holding them with his hands, and pushed. He could feel his body open, he could feel his flesh molding like clay around his child.

Curiosity got the better of him and he reached with one of his hands between his legs, pushing his fingers between the folds of his channel. When he reached inside, he felt his baby’s head. Then the next contraction hit him. Without a doubt, he knew that his child was coming now. He pushed, his whole upper body flushed red with blood and strain, and he didn’t stop until he felt that the head was out. The doctor reached between his legs, held the baby’s head between his hands and rotated it a little. Not a minute later, his baby was born.

Stiles started laughing at the same time the baby started crying, and it was the most beautiful cacophony of sounds in the entire world. The doctor put the naked infant on his chest immediately and it stopped crying. He said: ‘’Congratulations, Stiles. It’s a perfectly healthy baby girl!’’

It was a girl. Stiles will call her Evy. It means ‘life’.

'’Evy baby, welcome to the world.’’ He closed his eyes for a little and held his hand over Evy’s tiny back, absolutely blissed out with happiness. He heard Cora, Peter and Jonah enter the room.

‘’Stiles’’, Cora whispered, ‘‘are you okay, we didn’t hear you make a single sound…How's that even possible...''

And then next, when she saw Evy: ‘’Oh my god. Oh, my god! She’s so precious, Stiles! Look at your baby sister, Jonah, isn’t she the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world’’, Cora crooned.

Both Jonah and Peter couldn’t stop grinning or staring at the baby on Stiles’ chest.

‘’Meet your baby sister Evy, Jonah. What do you think, sunshine? Isn’t she beautiful?’’, Stiles asked, looking at Jonah's amazed face.

‘’I think I love her, papa. I think Evy is the best. Can I hold her?’’

‘’Not yet, love. But soon… Papa’s going to let you hold her and we’ll sing to her together… You’ll tell her all the stories you know, sunshine, and you’ll draw her the moon and the sun and she’ll know they were from you when she gets older. We’ll find the prettiest feathers for her and the shiniest shells. And we’ll take her to walks with us until she falls asleep under the stars…’’

*******


	4. Chapter 4

_******* _

Derek was standing with his arms folded across his chest and staring through the dirty loft windows down onto the containers brimming with garbage at the back of the building. He wouldn’t be surprised if there was a rat or two roaming through the hallways right now.

‘’It’s your fault he left, Derek, no one else’s, so why don’t you do something about it,’’ Scott growled. ‘’We can’t go on with our lives if you’re going to be this pissed about it. Frankly, it’s depressing.’’

Isaac jumped in: ‘’And why the hell didn’t you tell him that it is safe now for him to come back, that the treaty with the Wellingtons has been signed? I know exactly what Stiles is thinking; he’s thinking that he could somehow endanger the peace pact just by his presence here. He is always so irrational.’’

Derek turned around to face his pack, stoic and closed off. He was beginning to realize there was more than one reason because Stiles left. He may have been the main, but far from the only one; his so called friends, for starters, were also major contributors. He looked at Lydia, knowing full well that she would deliver the final blow. And she didn’t disappoint:

‘’Most importantly, you didn’t tell him that Jennifer broke the arrangement and left, did you, Derek? Now, why would you do that, Derek? I thought that you couldn’t wait to get rid of her and that you would jump at the opportunity to get back with Stiles. When you had to enter the arrangement, you behaved like somebody was skinning you alive! I could hardly work. What is it now, Derek? What’s stopping you? I swear, you don’t even know what you want!’’

Derek sighed and turned from them again. His head was starting to hurt. His temples were pounding with pent up pressure. But most of all, he felt sick.

‘’Listen to yourselves… You want him to come back… To come back where, here? There’s nothing for him in this town. To come back to whom, to you, to me? We’re not good for him. You think you’re hurting me when you say it’s all my fault, but you’re not, that’s the truth. You’re right, it is my entire fault, and he knows it, I’ve told him, I’ve told him everything.

He should never forgive me, or you. It’s nothing but aggression and demands flowing from your tongues. Nothing but intrigue and filthy pack politics. Don’t you know him? Don’t you know your own friend, your own pack mate? Sometimes I feel like we’ve all changed beyond recognition. Everybody except Stiles, that is.’’

They looked at him like he’d lost his mind. Lydia told him as much:

‘’Are you going crazy, Derek? Have you lost your mind? What are you yammering on about? Listen to me, here’s what you’re going to…’’

At that, Derek roared. His eyes flashed crimson red, his face contorted and he let out the most vicious bloodcurdling howl, rattling the windows and glasses on the table. He slammed his fist to the wall. But, although his voice was quiet when he spoke, he sounded positively livid.

‘’I’m not going to do a single thing you say anymore, Lydia. What happened, happened. There’s not much I can do about it now. Now, you go do your thing or whatever it is that you have to do, and let me think about my mate. Leave me and him alone; and if I ever succeed in bringing him back, pray to god he finds enough forgiveness in his heart to talk to you at all.’’

‘’I don’t know here he is, but I hope he’s somewhere far away from this shithole’’, Derek continued darkly. ‘’Everything’s rotten here, he couldn’t be happy even if he tried. He needs things you could never give him, or I, or this place. His soul was withering away… and he needs it, for Jonah and… for our child.’’

Derek released the most pitiful whine at that, collapsing to the floor. Scott jumped, looking frantically to the others in confusion. They all stared petrified at their alpha.

‘’He’s having a nervous breakdown, most probably. You could call Melissa’’, Lydia chirped.

Derek lifted his head up at the sound of her voice and his face was stupefied. He looked at all of them like he was seeing them for the first time in his life.

‘’Get out. Get the fuck out of here!’’ Derek started roaring at them. ‘’Get the fuck out! Get out!’’

They obeyed. The only thing left was Lydia’s little Prada clutch purse, fall collection. Derek grabbed it and tossed it out of the window, not even looking whether it fell on top of Scott’s car, or on the pile of the overflowing garbage.

 

_******* _

‘’Evy baby, apple of my eye, light of my life, please, be gentle.’’ Stiles was lying on his side with Evy next to him. As he discovered for the past week, it was a much more comfortable feeding position than the rocking chair. What he also discovered, to his agony, that for such a tiny baby with toothless gums, she could inflict serious damage to his sensitive nipples.

She was already turning her little face and opening her mouth, unerringly locating his swollen nipple and clutching onto it like a clamp. Stiles hissed a little, but once she started sucking, it got easier. Stiles didn’t know if it was the climate or his special diet designed by Cora, but he had a lot of milk. A lot. So much so, that when he wasn’t feeding Evy, he had to wear protective pads since his milk kept flowing.

Stiles brushed tenderly over her tiny head covered with the feathery dust of dark hair and caressed her rosy cheek. She was sucking in earnest, sighing a little out of sheer content. Stiles couldn’t stop touching her. She was wearing a white onesie with yellow ducks on it and the smallest yellow socks Stiles had ever seen in his life. He held her little foot with his right hand. It was smaller than his pinky. Stiles was fascinated. He hoped she would suck him dry because more often than not, he had to milk himself after feeding to prevent his breasts from inflaming and to encourage further production of milk.

When she let go, he gently lifted her and she immediately released a loud burp. Stiles couldn’t help but laugh. She was startled by her own burp. He turned to his other side, offering her his other nipple. She nuzzled into it with her cheek first; then she closed her mouth around it, licking it a little and then starting to suckle a little less frantically this time around. Stiles was grateful.

The house was quiet. Cora took Jonah to the Ortegas for a bonfire/marshmallow night and Peter… Peter wasn’t home. He was back in Beacon Hills. He went to try and find Derek, who wasn’t answering his phone, or letting anyone into the loft, apparently. When Peter tried to call to inform him that Evy was born, on Stiles’ request, and when he didn’t answer, Peter called Scott, who then told him that nobody had seen Derek in a week and they had no idea what was going on. After a few more failed attempts to locate his nephew, Peter packed a bag and left to look for him.

Stiles didn’t worry much. He had too many things on his plate right now, and even though Evy was a good baby with a decent sleep pattern for a week old, Stiles was exhausted. He thought it was mostly the feeding and the lack of sleep. His body miraculously got back in the pre-pregnancy shape almost immediately after the birth. The only vestiges of it were his swollen nipples, and to Stiles’ surprise, his new hole which he’d expected to disappear, but it didn’t. When he told that to his doctor, the man laughed for ten minutes straight. Apparently, once you got them, they stayed there.

Evy was out like a light, tucked safely in her room. Stiles went to the living room and plopped onto the couch in an exhausted heap. He turned the TV on, just to keep him company because there wasn’t a single channel he could watch there. He relaxed into the cushions and lifted his legs up, tossing one over the back of the couch. But then his nipples started to tingle and burn. Stiles took off his shirt, unable to stand even the soft cotton on them. He knew what he had to do. Too tired to go for his pump, he didn’t get up; instead, he lifted his hands and started squeezing them both at the same time.

Warm milk flowed freely down his chest. Stiles was aware he was making a mess, but something kept him right there. For the first time in more than ten months, he felt something stirring in his groin; he felt his dick getting hard. Stiles took one of his hands off his chest and unzipped his jeans. He pushed the hand into his underwear and gripped his cock in his fist. It was rigid, the soft, velvety skin sheathing the iron hard muscle. Stiles bit his lip and pumped himself a few times. It felt good. He touched the sensitive spot under the head and let out a small whine.

He spread his legs a little more, and pushed his hand further down, past his balls, and touched his new hole. It was there, still incredibly sensitive. He separated the folds gently and pushed his middle finger inside, moving it a little, just to get the feel of it. It felt amazing. He was already seconds from coming. Stiles bent some more at the waist, pulled out the finger and then joined his three fingers together and pushed them right back in. Thick, opalescent ropes of come landed on his stomach instantly. The orgasm brought relief, and Stiles rested for a minute before he got up to take a shower.

 

_******* _

Stiles listened to Peter’s tinny voice coming from his phone’s speaker and remained silent.

‘’I don’t think he’s eaten anything for a week, or had anything to drink, for that matter. I had to come through the window, Stiles. I had to break it, to break into the loft, he wouldn’t open the door.’’ Peter paused. ‘’I don’t think I should take him to hospital. That’s why I’m calling you. I think I should bring him there. He’s sick, but not the kind of sick they treat there.’’

Stiles swallowed. ‘’What do you think is the matter with him?’’

Peter sighed. ‘’I don’t know, Stiles. He won’t talk to me. He is breathing, and not doing anything else. The only reaction I got from him was when I told him that you were with us. He asked about you, about the baby, and I told him. Then he stopped talking again.’’

‘’Peter, where’s his wife? Why isn’t she with him, why isn’t she helping him?’’ Stiles inquired reasonably.

Peter snorted. ‘’Jennifer and Derek haven’t been together since June. As soon as she could, she broke off the arrangement. Derek agreed, of course. They’re no longer married. It was a business arrangement and once the business was finished, so was their marriage.’’

‘’And you knew that? Why didn’t you tell me?’’

‘’It wasn’t my story to tell. Plus, remember, you didn’t want Cora and me to know Evy was Derek’s. Why would you care about Derek’s stupid marriage? But mostly, Stiles, I didn’t want to upset you. You needed peace and quiet. Can you understand that?’’

Stiles’ breathing was increasing in speed and volume. He had no idea why he was getting upset.

‘’Yes’’, Stiles murmured.

‘’Can I bring him home then?’’

‘’I… I don’t know why you’re asking me… This is your home, not mine; I’m just a guest… You can do whatever you want, Peter.’’

‘’Stiles. Listen to me. It is your home as well, and Jonah and Evy’s; please, don’t ever doubt or forget that. And you are the only person I want and need to ask.’’ Peter’s voice was urgent and honest.

‘’I already told Derek he could come see Evy anytime he wanted. Of course he can come.’’

Peter laughed a little. ‘’Stiles, you’re the best. I’m coming home and I’m bringing Derek with me. We’re going to help him get back on his feet together, whatever may be wrong with him.’’

Stiles stood speechless. His mind was empty, unable to produce a single coherent thought. The only thing that managed to form in his mind was a vague debate with himself, the one he had already had once before – at that moment, the only thing Stiles wondered about was whether he should escape again.

 

_******* _

Stiles was watching as Gabriel tossed Jonah in the air, smiling at his son’s screams of delight. Evy was awake, but peaceful in his arms, wrapped up in her blanket, looking at the trees above her head and listening to the chirping of the birds.

Other children were there as well, helping Sandra and Cora rake dried up leaves onto a pile they would later set on fire; they were also picking up chestnuts and pine-cones and collecting them in a metal bucket. Pale winter sun was glistening against the wetness of the bare branches and warming the air just enough to keep their outdoor activities pleasant.

Three days had gone by since Stiles’ phone conversation with Peter and they were enough for Stiles to collect himself and forget that he had ever entertained a thought of escaping from here. This was his children’s home. This was where his family was. They were staying right here. He wasn’t afraid of Derek just as he wasn’t afraid of his reaction to him anymore. Although they were both free men now, Stiles had two children to think about. Derek was too unstable and their relationship too volatile. It wasn’t good for the children and that thought was enough for Stiles to prevent even the farthest corners of his mind from fantasizing about the man.

Stiles was the first one who saw the two figures, Peter’s shorter and bulkier, and Derek’s taller and leaner, outlined by the misty January air. Derek was walking a little behind Peter, his eyes fixed to the ground, dragging his feet with effort. His hair was never that long and his beard wild and untrimmed. He looked like a mountain man, Stiles thought. When the others noticed them, stopping whatever it was that they were doing and falling quiet, Derek lifted his eyes. Cora dropped her rake and started to walk towards her brother, a smile on her lips; but at that moment, Derek covered his face with his hands and let out an uncontrollable sob. His eyes were glued to Stiles with Evy in his arms. Cora stopped in her tracks, frozen in place. Nobody knew what to do or what to say. The only sounds were coming from Derek and his bleeding soul.

It was Stiles who decided to approach the man. When he got closer, Peter put his arm on his nephew’s shoulder, trying to encourage him to walk. All he got for his effort was Derek collapsing on his knees, and hugging Stiles around his legs in desperation. He leaned his face against Stiles' thigh, his body shaking with wrecking sobs. Stiles didn't know what to do. He looked around, asking for help from anyone. He couldn’t help Derek with Evy in his arms. At that moment, Gabriel ran over to them, and Cora, too. They carefully unfurled Derek’s arms from where they were placed around Stiles’ body and helped the man up to his feet. They started walking towards the main house, clutching Derek between their bodies.

‘’Take Jonah and go inside your cottage.’’ Peter said, visibly upset. Stiles watched Peter send everybody to their respective homes, clearing the yard. Once he was finished, he went after Gabriel, Cora and Derek.

Stiles’ took Jonah and Evy home and it was only when they were safely inside, enveloped in the warmth of their living room, that Stiles realized that Derek didn’t even manage to see his own daughter for the first time in his, and her, life.

 

_******* _


	5. Chapter 5

_******* _

Stiles never went to the big house.

Cora and Peter took their turns taking care of Derek, getting him to eat and drink. After a few days that he'd spent sleeping in his darkened room while Cora fed him thin chicken broth and toast whenever he was awake, Peter somehow managed to talk him into shaving and cutting his hair. He took Derek down in the front yard, under a huge kapok tree, and unceremoniously produced two kinds of scissors that he had – the ones for paper and the others he used to cut flowers around the house. But, he did a good job in the end. His barbering efforts slowly revealed Derek’s sunken face and hollow cheeks. He must have lost at least twenty pounds since Stiles saw him last, Stiles thought while he was watching the two men from the window of his cottage. Derek didn’t look well. Stiles hoped he would recover.

Actually, Stiles did go once to Derek's room at the house. Cora and Peter were away, helping the Ortegas clean the southern beaches from the debris left after the storm, and it was Stiles’ duty to bring Derek his meal that day. But when he entered the dark room, Derek’s prone form stark against the white sheets, he didn’t expect him to take one look at Stiles and turn his back to him. Stiles stood at the door, a bowl of tomato soup in his hands, unsure what to do. Eventually, he just put the bowl onto the bedside table and left. He wasn’t hurt or upset; it was best to just leave Derek alone. The doctor said all he needed was rest.

When he returned an hour later to fetch the bowl, Derek was still facing the wall, the soup untouched and cold. Stiles never went to the house again.

 

_******* _

It was the last day of spring, the greens and the yellows mixing above Stiles’ head while he was cleaning up the table and benches in front of his cottage. Evy was in her chair, which Stiles put onto the table so that their faces were on the same level when he sat on the bench. Salty ocean breeze was wafting through the heavy branches, pushing the flower heads and blades of grass around Stiles’ ankles and tickling him.

‘’Evy darling, give me a smile. Give papa a smile. Are you my Amazon princess, love? Are you my rain-forest goddess? Yes, you are. You are papa’s little Peruvian angel and since you are all that and so much more, you’re going to eat this apple puree that papa made for you. Yes, you will, because it’s delicious and yummy just like you, my love…’’ Stiles was chattering and Evy would perhaps manage to eat her meal if she wasn’t grinning so widely, the apple puree forgotten in her mouth.

At six months old, Evy was a strong and healthy baby, pretty and sweet like a doll; her chocolate brown hair curled away from her forehead and neck in feathery wisps, softly bouncing every time she moved her head. She had Stiles’ eyes, bright and shiny caramel; and a cute, little button nose. But the contours of her face and her mouth were exactly like Cora’s, heart-shaped and full; and judging by the two photos Cora had of herself as a baby, Evy seemed to be her spitting image. Cora absolutely adored her.

Stiles rested his head on Evy and she was excitedly pulling his hair this way and that, grabbing his ears and nose; and each time she managed to pull him by the nose, Stiles would pepper her tiny tummy with kisses. But soon enough, Stiles was forgotten; since she first heard and then saw Jonah, the center of her universe, coming from the woods with Gabriel at his heels. When Jonah was around, she didn’t have ears or eyes for anybody else.

‘’Evy! Papa! Look what we’ve found! This is all for Evy.’’ Jonah had Gabriel’s big straw hat in his arms which he used for carrying his collection since the hat was filled with colorful bird feathers of various shapes and sizes. He and Gabriel sat on the bench across from Stiles and Jonah started pulling the feathers out one by one and carefully placing them in Evy’s lap.

‘’This bright red one is scarlet macaw, Evy. The small black one is guanay and the huge brown is pelican, Evy! I can’t believe we found that one…’’ Jonah continued placing the feathers on Evy and she picked one, turning it in her little hand and observing it most seriously, like she understood everything Jonah was saying.

Stiles just let the joy and happiness overwhelm him; he was always the happiest and calmest when both his children were with him. He looked around and everywhere his eyes fell were beauty and abundance, life and power of nature. He met Gabriel’s eyes and they smiled at each other in understanding. They were relaxed around each other, Gabriel long ago having accepted Stiles’ friendship, the longing in his eyes replaced by mirth and camaraderie.

‘’Sorry about your hat’’, Stiles said, ‘’although I do think you indulge him too much. Next you know, he’ll be bringing rocks and stones in your shirt.’’

Gabriel laughed: ‘’Don’t worry, Stiles. Jonah and I can make a new hat. If this one can’t hold a bunch of feathers, then it’s not good for my head either.’’

The four of them stayed there for a little while longer and then it was time for a nap, or in Jonah’s case, forced afternoon rest. The boy did not like it to say the least, but he obeyed Stiles, spending at least an hour in the afternoon resting in bed with a book in his hands. Sometimes, more often than not, sleep would trick him and steal the hour from the boy, to his aggravation.

When they got up from the table and Stiles picked Evy up, an unfamiliar sight caught his eye. Stiles looked at the big house; the constant blackness of the wooden shutters covering the window of Derek’s room was no longer there. Instead, Derek was standing in the middle of it, his window wide open, looking at the group. Pleasantly surprised, Stiles smiled at him. He thought Derek would go back into the room to hide, or just ignore him, but instead, he lifted one hand up in jerky motions and waved a little, his lips curving into a tentative smile.

_******* _

‘’Peter, why do you think Derek doesn’t want to see Evy?’’

Stiles and Peter were sitting in the main house’s library, which mostly served as Peter’s office and a place where Stiles liked to spend his alone time whenever he could. It wasn’t too big, earning its librarian title solely thanks to huge stacks of books covering every inch of available space, in and out of shelves. The only uncluttered areas were Peter’s desk and two comfy armchairs, one of which Stiles was occupying at the moment.

‘’Do you really believe that? Because I don’t think that’s true,’’ Peter said.

‘’But,’’ Stiles continued, ‘‘I know he was sick and that he couldn’t spend time with her. He is better now, as you know. Yesterday, I saw him cutting grass in your backyard. And he made breakfast this morning, Cora told me. She brought some over to us. I thought… I thought he would want that. That he came here for her.’’

Peter sighed: ‘’I don’t know what to tell you, Stiles. Do you want him to see Evy? Do you think he could try and be Evy’s father?’’

It was a million dollar question. Stiles wasn’t sure. He didn’t know what was right and he thought that Derek would want and demand to spend time with Evy once he got better and that Stiles wouldn’t protest; more importantly, that Stiles wouldn’t have to think about it and agonize over his choices. With every passing day, Stiles wondered that perhaps Derek was waiting for something; he thought that there was a possibility that Derek’s inertia was intentional, that Derek was giving Stiles that choice on purpose, because he wanted that any initiative concerning Stiles’ family to come from Stiles and Stiles alone. But Stiles was only guessing.

Like he was reading his thoughts, Peter didn’t even wait for Stiles’ answer before he continued:

‘’It’s more than that. I believe that Derek feels he isn’t worthy of being Evy’s father. I don’t think he can even imagine that he could be that blessed. Saying that he doesn’t want to be her father is far from the truth, which is the polar opposite – he wants it too much. But, he’s learned his lesson, hasn’t he. He can never have what he wants. All life has ever taught him is that.

Ultimately, he thinks that YOU think he could never be a good father. Of course, he obviously wholeheartedly agrees with that. He thinks your agreement to him seeing Evy is purely based on a technicality, a biological fact, a legal obligation. Something that you feel obliged to do, not something you want. That’s why I asked you what you wanted. I think Derek needs you to want it. If you don’t want him to be her father, then he won’t be.

Of course, I’m just guessing. But I am right, as usual. In a nutshell, Stiles, he’s sacrificing himself for you. Again, I might add.’’

Dumbfounded, Stiles stared at Peter in shocked silence.

Peter leaned towards him across his desk, and repeated once again: ‘’What do you want, Stiles?’

That very same evening, after dinner, Stiles took Evy in his arms and Jonah by his hand and went to the house. He left his son in the living room with Sandra and Cora to watch cartoons; and then, he climbed up the stairs with his daughter to Derek’s door and firmly knocked.

 

_******* _

Every day at six o’clock was the so called Derek-time in the Stilinski household. Derek and Stiles had a standing arrangement. Derek would come at six on the dot, all official and reverent, more often than not bearing gifts. Sometimes, he would bring cookies that he made that day or a book from the library for Stiles or Jonah; once he brought a sling he made for Jonah and a little carved wolf for Evy’s shelf; but the absolute hit was when he came one day carrying a little yellow chicken in the palm of his hand. Jonah was beside himself with excitement and they decided to let the chicken run freely with Jonah as its guardian until Derek made them a chicken coop. And brought more chickens, of course.

Derek would sit at the yard table with Evy in his arms, holding her as if she would break at his slightest movement, stiff and afraid in the beginning. Stiles would putter around finishing his chores and keeping an eye on them just in case, but nothing ever happened. Evy was unusually quiet in Derek’s embrace, still and curious, mirroring her father’s nature through some miraculous genetic assimilation. It was a miracle, too, to watch Derek relax gradually, and advance to feeding her, carrying her around, playing with her, and to Stiles’ utter and complete shock, singing to her. The day when he heard Derek sing ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider’ and ‘Humpty Dumpty’ would forever be etched into his memory; it was only out of consideration for Derek that he didn’t fetch his phone and got it all on camera.

It turned out that their decision to keep Derek’s visits scheduled was a great one, for both Jonah and Evy. They quickly got used to them and started to look forward to seeing Derek. There was something about Derek’s nature that appealed to the children. They were both more well-behaved and obedient when he was around. Derek’s quiet affection for them was so different from Stiles’ vocal adoration. Stiles showered them with hugs and kisses and odes to their perfection and the children reveled in it, but accepted it as an everyday normality. But when Derek softly commended Jonah for something, the boy’s chest would puff up with pride and he would glow with happiness for hours. He even started to fight for Derek’s approval, doing things or behaving in a way he hoped would get him Derek’s praise. When Stiles peppered Evy with kisses, she would squirm and giggle and pull his hair. But when Derek lifted her to his clean-shaven face and planted a single kiss on her pudgy cheek, her eyes would open wide and light up with excitement, and then she would quietly press her cheek to his lips on her on accord, to get one more.

Jonah knew that Derek was Evy’s father because Stiles told him, but what Stiles never told him, nor was it the way Derek behaved, was that Derek came every day just to see Evy. Derek gave Jonah as much attention and affection as he did Evy; Stiles realized that one day in a startling epiphany and he had no idea what to do with that realization. As easy as breathing, Jonah and Derek developed a relationship right before Stiles’ eyes which couldn’t be described as anything else but as the one of a father and a son. Jonah worshiped him, and Derek worshiped him right back. He admired Derek’s strength and he watched in fascination when Derek climbed the trees with ease to reach the biggest cones or when he threw the largest stones into the ocean.

Soon enough, their time spent together expanded over their regular six o’clock visitations. First it started with Derek taking Jonah to his morning runs and training in the woods. Nothing could cement more Jonah’s love for Derek than watching him do a hundred push-ups and pull-ups every morning, apparently.

Then, Derek would take Evy to his house after a particularly difficult night so that Stiles could rest.

Then, Derek would take both children for a walk so that they would have better appetites for their lunch.

Before Stiles knew it, their lives became so interwoven that it was only natural for the children to stay for dinner at the big house or play in their living room with Cora and Derek for hours. Whatever initial consternation bugged Stiles was now completely gone. Something that seemed so complicated in the beginning, resolved itself pretty naturally and easily. The only thing left unresolved, according to Stiles’ innermost thoughts, was Derek’s relationship with Stiles.

Because during all this time that Derek spent focusing on Evy and Jonah, not once did he direct his attention towards Stiles.

 

_******* _


	6. Chapter 6

_******* _

Stiles was so angry. No, he wasn’t just angry, he was livid.

He was in his cottage, alone; the dishes were done, the rooms tidied and wherever he looked, everything was neat and clean. He didn’t want to read or watch a movie.

He was just so mad. He felt his eyes burning. Oh, no. He wasn’t going to cry, he wouldn’t let himself cry. He hadn’t cried in a year, he was sure, and he certainly wasn’t going to start now. He couldn’t believe that he was working himself up over this…

It was just that he felt so left out, like he wasn’t needed. His chest hurt and he was breathing heavily, familiar precursors to his panic attacks. He started pacing across the room to calm himself. Truthfully, Stiles shouldn’t be mad at anyone but himself. He felt… sad. He was so okay with it when Derek asked if the kids could sleep over at his place.

He was definitely not okay now. He was never going to let the kids sleep over anywhere ever again. He missed them and he was going to draw the line at sleepovers. He had to talk to Derek about it and he was going to do it, he was going to tell him. He let out a small whimper. Fuck! He couldn’t make it through the night like this.

He was going there right now. He had to. He looked at the clock; it was nine thirty. The kids must have been asleep already, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to hurt or upset Derek, but he knew he would understand. It was all very simple. Stiles would go there, apologize, take the children, apologize again, and come back home. He was in charge of his life, he was the boss, he was going to get his kids. 

Stiles opened the door and started walking up the path to the house with determination. It was a surprised Cora who opened the door for him, and it was only when he saw her surprise that Stiles felt like he was maybe being a little irrational. But he couldn’t, he wouldn’t deny his own feelings.

‘’Stiles, hi! What’s wrong?’’, she asked immediately, with a worried look on her face.

‘’Nothing... nothing's wrong, I just want to see the kids, if I can, I… Can I just see them?’’ Stiles was clutching his fingers.

Sensing his anxiety, Cora smiled at him then. ‘’Of course,’’ she urged him in, ‘’they’re upstairs with Derek. Are you sure you’re all right?’’

‘’Yeah.’’ Stiles just stood there, waiting for Cora to return to the living room, until he was all alone in the dark hallway.

‘’Alright. I’ll be here if you need anything,’’ she touched him encouragingly on the arm and left.

Stiles looked up the staircase. It was in the dark, but the door to Derek’s room was ajar, and soft light was spilling from it. He was nervous; he wasn’t sure how Derek was going to react. He climbed all the way up and approached the half open door.

Evy was in the middle of the bed, her arms above her head and her mouth slightly open. She was fast asleep, lying securely between Derek and Jonah. His son was on his stomach, his face tucked close to Evy’s, and Derek… Derek was curled around both of them somehow, one hand tangled into Jonah’s hair and the other splayed across Evy’s belly. All three of them were sleeping.

Stiles clutched his hand over his mouth and closed his eyes. He felt like a fool. He moved away from the door and leaned against the hallway wall. He was worried for nothing… They looked so peaceful, so perfect. Stiles just wished, he wished he was there with them. But that was just Stiles’ foolish fantasy. That would never, ever happen, he knew. Derek couldn’t be more uninterested even if he tried. Stiles didn’t know what to do or if there was anything he could do. He needed a moment to calm down and then he would just go.

Suddenly, he heard faint sounds of movement and a second later, Derek was standing in front of him. Of course he heard Stiles. He was dressed in soft, grey sweatpants and a thin, white t-shirt and  he took Stiles' breath away.

Derek closed the door of the room so as to not wake the kids and they were plunged into almost complete darkness. Stiles could see the whites of Derek’s eyes piercing the night, and he just stood there, unable to move or say anything, his sweaty palms pressing against the wall behind his back. At that moment, he couldn’t even remember why he came here.

Derek was looking at him, obviously waiting for Stiles to say something, to explain what he was doing there, and Stiles… Stiles leaned into the man’s warmth and pressed his lips against his.

Derek instantly turned his head away. ‘’Stiles… No.’’

The world collapsed around Stiles. His head wanted to explode. He pushed away from the wall and started down the stairs, wanting to run away as fast as he could. He felt Derek grabbing his hand, he heard him saying: ‘’Stiles, wait!’’, but he slipped away from him, petrified and humiliated to the core. He ran as fast as he could, away from Derek, from that house, from his feelings, and if he could, he would run away from the world.

 

_******* _

The next morning, Stiles was woken up by a knock on his door. He refused to get up, he didn’t care who it was. He knew it couldn’t be Derek with the kids, since they would simply barge in without knocking. He was still hiding from the world. He covered his head with the blanket. But then he heard what suspiciously sounded like Jonah’s voice.

‘’Papa, open the door! We have a surprise!’’

Stiles stumbled off the couch in a tangle of limbs and ran to open the door. He hoped Jonah didn’t bring a bucket of crabs and asked to keep them as pets, again.

Derek was standing there with Evy and Jonah wasn’t holding a bucket of crabs, no. He was clutching a bouquet of calla lilies which he promptly thrust into Stiles’ pajama-clad legs.

‘’Not now, buddy.’’ Derek whispered to the boy and then he turned to Stiles and cleared his throat. ‘’Stiles, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?’’

Stiles’ mind stopped working. ‘’What?’’ Was he transported to a a parallel universe overnight? Was he having a romance novel inspired dream? He distinctly remembered trying to kiss Derek the previous night and the man turning his head away in what Stiles then perceived couldn’t be anything else then clear rejection.

‘’It’s called a date, papa, a date is when you like someone and then you wait for three days for the flowers to arrive because you want special flowers for them. I told Derek I could find him pretty flowers for you, but he said no, we have to wait for special flowers. These are calla lilies, papa. Do you like them?’’, Jonah babbled.

Stiles palmed his face. He wanted to strangle Derek. He was the most spectacular fool, a dunce of epic proportions; zero communication skills, socially and emotionally challenged, but Stiles… Stiles loved him more than life itself.

When he removed his hands, he was biting his lips, face flushed and heated, and his eyes were glistening. Derek was waiting patiently, not a trace on his face revealing his expectations of what Stiles’ answer would be. He was obviously a man with the plan, determined to stick to it at all costs. Stiles took the flowers from Derek’s little accomplice.

‘’I love them, Jonah. Thank you, Derek. They’re very pretty. Let’s find a vase for them, shall we?’’

When they entered the cottage, Jonah immediately rushed in and ran to his room. Derek put Evy into her walker and Stiles couldn’t help admiring his elegant form. He still hadn’t put all his weight back on, but it suited him; his muscles were lean but very defined, chiseled and graceful. Another change from what Derek looked like back in Beacon Hills was that, fascinatingly enough, his chameleon eyes, which Stiles loved so much, weren’t grey anymore. Here in Peru, they always shone emerald green.

Stiles started to fidget, suddenly painfully aware of his messy hair, unwashed face and wrinkly pajama. He startled a little when Derek took him by the hand.

‘’Stiles, I wanted to do this right this time. To make no mistakes.’’ He put his other hand on Stiles’ face, looking at it like it was the most fascinating thing. ‘’I want to date you and court you, Stiles. I want to be there for you and our children. And when I feel that you can say yes, I want to ask you to marry me.’’

Stiles nodded his head like Derek was listing groceries for the shopping list, overwhelmed by the man’s determination and persuasion. He could barely process the information. He felt like all the world’s secrets were suddenly revealed to him and he didn’t know what to do with that knowledge. Everything seemed very clear all of a sudden.

Derek continued: ’’You’re the most important person in my life. Will you go out on a date with me tonight?’’

Yes, the date. Stiles forgot about it. It would be their first.

‘’Yes, I will,’’ he whispered, smiling giddily. Derek laughed, happiness transforming his face. He brushed Stiles’ lips with his thumb lightly. Honestly, Stiles expected a kiss. He didn’t get it, to his mild annoyance.

‘’Excellent. Wonderful. Is eight o’clock fine with you? We’re going to ‘Estiatorio Milos’. Peter’s volunteered to babysit.’’

Stiles couldn’t believe his eyes or ears. Derek looked ecstatic like a teenager. Stiles had never seen him so exhilarated before. Stiles had never seen him happy, ever. They looked at each other like fools that they were for a few minutes, just holding hands and smiling. Stiles had so many questions, but he could wait.

 

When Derek finally left and Stiles collapsed onto the couch in a messy heap, Jonah jumped onto his stomach from god knows where and launched into his little tirade:

‘’When you marry Derek, I’m going to call him dada, I told him so. He said okay and that I can. I asked him if he loves Evy the most in the whole wide world and he said no, he loves you, me and Evy the most in the whole wide world, which means you can get married now. Oh and it means he loves me, too, that’s why I can call him dada. Evy still doesn’t talk so I get to call him dada first. How cool is that!’’, Jonah beamed at his infallible logic while Stiles stared at him in complete shock, his stomach still hurting under Jonah’s bony little butt.

Of course, the boy didn’t wait for his reaction. He jumped down and ran off to his room to make an inventory since he hadn’t seen his toys for an entire night, but then he obviously remembered something important because he stormed right back, his eyes wide and intelligent, just to land the final blow to Stiles: ‘’What are you going to wear, papa?’’

 

_******* _

What was he going to wear, Stiles thought grumpily. What could he wear; all he had on the island were a bunch of shorts, sweatpants and ratty jeans. He picked the newest looking pair of jeans from the pile and sighed. It wasn’t a big deal, really. ‘Estiatorio Milos’ wasn’t some fancy restaurant; it was a local, family owned seafood place, not a fifteen minute walk from Stiles’ cottage.

Peter was leaning against the door-frame, smirking at Stiles’ agony. Stiles couldn’t care less; he expected and fully decided to ignore any raunchy or lascivious comments from Peter.

But, what he got was: ‘’I’m happy for you, Stiles.’’

Stiles choked a little. He flung himself into Peter’s arms, hugging the man back for the first time after he’d landed here In Peru and Peter had been waiting for him at the airport.

‘’Thank you, Peter, for everything. Thank you so much, I will never be able to repay you. Thank you,’’ Stiles repeated.

‘’There, there,’’ Peter patted him on the back, ‘’you’re family. I’d do anything for you. But, what I will never forgive you, mind you, is for making me a grandfather before I turned fifty.’’

Stiles laughed at that very Peter-esque remark. ‘’Sorry.’’

‘’Here, wear this shirt,’’ Peter handed him his black shirt which Stiles never wore because it was too tight. ‘’And hurry up, Stiles, he’s pacing like a caged lion in the yard, he’s driving me nuts!’’

 

_******* _


	7. Chapter 7

 

_******* _

They didn’t cross more than thirty feet, Derek holding him by the hand, before he took him into his embrace and kissed him. Stiles clung to him like a monkey, instantaneously deepening the kiss. He couldn’t control himself, he wanted Derek too much. He was dizzy because all his blood rushed towards his dick.

‘’I know,’’ Derek whispered in the darkness, knowing exactly what was happening with Stiles’ body. ‘’I feel it, too. Why do you think I couldn’t kiss you when you came to me last night? I want you so much, I want you as much.’’

He leaned Stiles against the tree and pressed his entire body to his.

‘’Fuck, Derek, I’m going to come in my pants and then our dinner plans will definitely be ruined,’’ Stiles gasped.

Derek sucked small kisses up his neck. ‘’I’ve longed for you for so long, I’ve craved you… I’ve become extremely skilled at resisting you… I want to take you out on a date so much, but I want you to tell me what you want… This much denial and frustration can’t be healthy… I’m desperate, too…’’

Stiles stopped Derek’s ministrations, taking his beautiful head in his hands, and whispered:

‘’Love me, Derek, love me hard and don’t ever stop. I don’t care where you take me, I don’t care if it’s a restaurant or a secluded beach or Pluto, just don’t leave me…’’

Derek stepped away from him, not saying a word; he took Stiles’ hand in his and led the way. They steered away from the path leading to the main road almost immediately. Stiles thought that Derek would take him to the beach first, but he was wrong. He took him deeper into the woods, helping Stiles over thick roots and under heavy branches.

The night was unusually bright, the moon hung potent and low on the tree tops. Derek soon stopped under a huge kapok tree, where a thick carpet of moss lay stretched among its huge roots and its rich branches curtained down, almost touching the ground. He lay Stiles down under the canopy. He traced Stiles’ face with the tips of his fingers, down his nose, across his lips, over his chin…

‘’I know there are mates and I know that you are mine… Your scent, your soul, your body, everything appeals to me on a visceral level… But what I didn’t know was that what’s left an indelible imprint on me is your FACE… I kept seeing it everywhere when we were apart, I kept seeing it in her and I couldn’t, I couldn’t… The shape of your eyes, the shape of your nose and mouth, the way it moves, it’s all mine and meant for me, made for me, I know it… ‘’

Derek kissed him. Stiles lifted his arms and embraced him, cradling him in his loving arms. Derek stopped and sat up on the back of his legs. In silence, he started undressing himself. He lifted his shirt over his head, revealing his Adonis-like torso. He got up and took off his jeans, pulling down his underwear at the same time. He stood for a moment there, motionless, showered by the moonlight. He looked like a forest god. His cock was swaying a little under its rigid weight, beautiful as the rest of him.

He knelt in front of Stiles. Slowly, he unzipped his jeans and pulled them down Stiles’ skinny legs, setting them aside. He took off Stiles’ briefs and put them onto his jeans. Then he lifted Stiles by the arms and took off his shirt. While Stiles was in the sitting position, Derek kissed him, his tongue devouring Stiles’ in a wet dance. He slowly put Stiles down again.

Reverently, he pushed Stiles’ legs apart. Stiles blushed furiously, remembering his altered physique. But Derek seemed fascinated. In a swift move, he lay completely flat against the ground, until his head was between Stiles’ thighs, leveled with his holes. He put his hands against the back of Stiles’ legs and helped him keep them far apart. Then he leaned in and kissed him, right there.

Stiles tried to stay still, but it wasn’t easy. He felt a rush of his natural wetness slick his channel up at the first touch of Derek’s lips. Derek pointed his tongue and started licking the folds surrounding his channel, and then pushing it inside as far as it could go. Stiles gasped for breath.

‘’Amazing… you’re so beautiful down here, so wet for me… I wish you could see yourself right now…’’

Derek let his thigh go and Stiles felt him pry his folds open and slip a finger inside him. Stiles couldn’t keep quiet anymore. His gasps turned into loud cries. But Derek understood. He sat up again and leaned over Stiles between his legs. He understood the urgency, he felt it, too.

At the first push of Derek’s fat, impossibly hard cock into his hole, Stiles let out a loud whine. Derek covered his mouth with his, kissing him, silencing him. He pushed all the way in and his cock filled Stiles completely. He pulled back a little and started a gentle rocking of his hips, aware that Stiles was lying on the ground and not wanting to hurt his back by hard fucking.

Stiles crossed his legs behind Derek’s back and held him firmly around the shoulders. They were glued together, and Derek rocked his hips in slow but long motions, going all the way out and all the way in with each thrust. They never made love this slowly. Derek dragged inside of him, maddeningly slowly, in, out, and every drag was lighting Stiles up from the inside. He felt Derek’s thickness splitting him wide open, he felt the rigged skin and the mushroom top of his cock head setting his nerve endings on fire, he felt his wetness dripping from his hole onto the ground.

He didn’t want it, it was too soon, he didn’t want it, but Stiles’ orgasm couldn’t be delayed a second more. He exploded around Derek, his hole involuntarily spasming and squeezing his dick.

Derek stilled and caressed Stiles’ sweaty forehead.

‘’Look at me, love,’’ he whispered. When Stiles lifted his dazed eyes and looked at Derek’s forest-green ones, Derek slowly, inch by inch, inserted his cock to the very end, until it didn’t have anywhere more to go, until the head touched Stiles' very core, and without any thrusting or further stimulation, started ejaculating into Stiles.

It was the hottest possible thing and Stiles could come again from the feeling of Derek’s hot semen filling him up. Almost all of it dribbled out of Stiles, whose hole was too snug and Derek’s dick too big. Derek didn’t move, still looking at Stiles.

‘’All for you, baby, only for you, forever and always.’’

They kissed until their hot bodies cooled down.

 

_******* _

Derek and Stiles went on many dates in the following months. Derek took him to restaurants, to the movies and for walks; they went sailing and fishing, they visited other islands and the mainland as often as they could; they explored the Amazon rainforest and visited Machu Picchu, an ancient Incan city high in the Andes mountains. They expressed their love freely and openly, and it was so powerful and potent, that the islanders started making legends and myths with Derek and Stiles as their inspiration. Their happiness was infectious, spreading like a wildfire around them; they were times of celebration and unity.

Jonah’s fourth birthday was on the 15th of August. Everybody was there, even some people from Santa Rosa and the doctor who delivered Evy; they made a huge bonfire on the beach and roasted sea bass, flounder and tuna; Stiles got a little drunk and Derek had to keep an eye on him the entire evening. Cora danced with Evy while Peter and Jonah prepared marshmallows. Derek and Stiles couldn’t and didn’t keep their hands off of each other, free and uninhibited, to everybody’s delight and catcalling, but especially Evy’s – when papa and dada kissed, she lit up like a Christmas tree. Nobody could forget, the two of them most of all, the ordeals that they’d gone through. They denied themselves nothing, emotionally speaking. They were in heaven.

Stiles did get mad once, but it was a serious issue, one he wouldn’t recover from to his dying day: two days before Jonah’s birthday, Evy decided to grace them with her first word, and it hadn’t been ‘papa’, or ‘sta’ like Jonah’s. No, it was ‘dada’. Stiles pouted for a week straight and just couldn’t let it go. Derek found it hilarious at first, proud at his daughter, but when he realized Stiles had been serious, he stopped joking about it. Stiles even accused him of repeating the word to Evy a million times behind his back.

At night, they lay together in Stiles’ bed, the children safely sleeping in their rooms, and made plans about their future. There were many things they had to consider, many problems to solve, but they knew they could make it, as long as they were together. They cuddled and kissed, and sometimes they fucked, but not every night. Stiles insisted that sex also meant blow jobs and hand jobs and other phenomenal things; Derek was only happy to indulge him. Stiles got so turned on by Derek that more often than not, a few passionate kisses and Derek’s muscled leg that he would rub off of were enough for him to come into his pants in a couple of minutes flat. As far as Derek was concerned, he was thrilled that Stiles was determined to conquer the ancient skill of giving head, with him as a very willing prop; because of Derek’s size, it wasn’t an easy task for Stiles.

But one thing was certain – they had to leave Isla Indenpendencia. Both of them regretted it immensely, because the island brought so much to them – Derek’s sanity, Stiles’ independence, their love, their family. They had no idea how to break it to the children or to Peter and Cora; so they waited, until their plans crystallized, and hoped that everybody could understand.

_******* _


	8. Chapter 8

 

_******* _

It was Lydia who cleared her throat first, choosing to break the slightly awkward silence that had descended upon the loft and its occupants. It was one message from Stiles that gathered them all there, only three days after their arrival to Beacon Hills. 

‘’I’m very pleased to see you have decided to come back, Stiles. Congratulations are in order, I guess? Well, I wish you all the happiness. Here’s to the happy couple!’’, she lifted a cup with tonic water in the air.

Stiles huffed: ‘’Restrain yourself, Lydia. Don’t break a nail over us, please,‘’ his words dripped with sarcasm.

‘’For what it’s worth’’, he continued, looking at everybody, ‘’I am happy to be back. This is my home, and… I missed you, guys.’’

Stiles didn’t know who jumped to their feet first, Isaac or Scott. They both landed on him in a flurry of limbs, trying to hug him and mostly succeeding, apologies and declarations of love falling from their lips. Stiles was flushed and excited.

‘’Don’t listen to her, bro. She’s just worried, and being her usual dominatrix self’’, Scott laughed.

‘’Hey, watch it, McCall!’’, Jackson growled. Then he directed his attention towards Stiles: ‘’What’s with the disappearing act, Stilinski? What, when the going got rough, first you, and then Derek, thought that you could just leave?’’

Stiles swallowed, feeling the weight of their different perspectives pressing him down. He really wished they could all put themselves in one another's shoes, just for a little while. He leaned back onto the couch, Scott and Isaac’s arms protectively thrown over his shoulders, and sighed. He folded his hands in his lap and started clutching his fingers, a habit he thought he had gotten rid of:

‘’I can explain it. I was pregnant…’’ Stiles cringed over his own choice of opening.

The room exploded.

‘’What?!’’, Scott shouted.

Lydia smirked: ''Derek did say, don't you remember...''

''I thought he was hallucinating! I thought he was batshit crazy! But when? How? He was with Jennifer...'', Scott couldn't calm down.

‘’I knew it!’’, Jackson leered, ‘’I knew it had something to do with Derek not being able to keep his hands off Stilinski. Blurgh! Wait, it is Derek’s, isn’t it?’’

Isaac recoiled: ‘’Shut up, Jackson! Let him talk, for crying out loud.’’

This wasn’t going too well, Stiles thought. Too much had happened to be resolved with just one conversation. He only wished they could clear things up enough for them to have a decent, functioning relationship, hopefully a friendly one. He really wanted his friends back.

‘’Yes, Derek was with Jennifer, and it was killing me; I loved him, very much, you must have known that, even though he'd left me, and behaved so badly... I understand why it had to happen, I understand what it was that you were trying to do, but still… I still think there had to be another way.’’

‘’Another way? Another way?’’, Lydia’s voice was shrill and hysterical. ‘’I almost went insane trying to find a way out, protecting the territory, protecting us; you can’t expect me to keep everyone alive and then question the way I do it!!’’ Big, fat tears were rolling down her cheeks. But she quickly wiped them off, resuming her calm.

‘’You think I don’t understand it, Stiles? That I don’t understand that kind of love?’’, she snorted unattractively. ‘’I am with Jackson, aren’t I.’’

Jackson didn’t even react to the jab. She was right, after all.

‘’Anyway,’’ she went on, ‘’I knew you’d get together eventually. I knew Derek would go after you. He could barely follow my instructions as it was. I’m just surprised you caved in, that’s all.’’

Everybody looked at Stiles.

‘’He… didn’t. He didn’t come after me. I… I had to come to him. He waited for me to come to him…’’, Stiles whispered.

‘’What do you mean? Didn’t he come after you to Peru?’’, Scott asked. ‘’That’s what Peter told me, anyway.’’

‘’No, he… Derek was not well, he… Remember when he disappeared for a week and you couldn’t reach him? I think he had a werewolf equivalent of a nervous breakdown. His systems just shut down… I don’t know why Peter didn’t tell you that. Perhaps he thought it was easier to say that he chased after me, but… he didn’t,’’ Stiles said.

‘’But why? How did that happen? I remember he hated the plan, but he knew it had to be done... He seemed so determined, he would do anything to keep you safe. I know you don't believe it, Stiles, and I know it was a shitty, godawful plan, but it worked... I don't understand what happened to Derek.’’, Isaac said quietly.

‘’His heart couldn’t take it…’’, they heard Lydia whisper.

Everybody looked at her in shock.

‘’I know you all think I’m some cold-hearted… that I don’t have a heart, but that’s not true, that’s not true…’’

Stiles got up and took her head between his hands: ‘’I've never thought that, I don’t think that. I know you, Lydia. I see through your tough, abrasive front. But Lyds… everybody has a breaking point. People are breakable. Some people more than the others…’’ He hugged her, caressing her ginger hair. She sniffled a little.

‘’Enough with the sob fest!'', Jackson demanded. ''I want to hear the juicy details now. Tell us your epic love story!’’

Stiles laughed. ‘’I guess it was epic… it was definitely a love story.’’

Isaac joked: ‘’We know! You guys are giving us cavities with your man pain and angst.’’

‘’So we were both there on the island, I had my baby and Derek was recovering, but he wouldn’t make a move, he wouldn’t do anything, until I came to him first. Let me tell you, it took me a long time to realize that. I was afraid he didn't want me. I thought he didn’t care in the beginning, even though he'd told me, before, in his e-mails, I just couldn't believe it…’’ Stiles tried to explain.

Jackson snorted: ‘’Only you, Stilinski. My grandma knows you’re his mate. Stupid Jennifer knew you were his mate! Thank god that woman was a bitch big enough to sign the arrangement with Derek despite that, otherwise who knows what could have happened.’’

Scott jumped at that: ‘’But we didn’t know you were mates in the beginning, Stiles! You… have to believe me. I didn’t know… We thought… I thought it was just a… That it was temporary. That it was just... a convenient thing for Derek.’’ Scott blushed. “I’m so sorry, dude.''

“I saw your obsession, I saw your desperation…‘’, Lydia whispered, ‘’and I thought it was because you were weak, you were submissive… I thought you were irrational and I couldn’t speak with you… I thought that Derek was using you… I thought that when the opportunity had arisen for the arrangement, I could perhaps kill two flies with one stone, secure the pack and save you from a shitty relationship. I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I’m sorry for wronging you this much, I’m sorry for not thinking highly enough of you, I’m sorry for playing god…’’, she repeated, looking positively wrecked.

Stiles broke at that, and his eyes welled up with tears. ‘’It’s all right, guys. Honestly. It’s fine. We’re fine…''

He then continued his story: ''Back at the island... Derek was sick because of all the pain he'd caused me, because he hated himself... But somehow, he healed, I healed, and he waited so patiently for me, to give him Evy, to give him myself again. And I could do that because I'd found myself there. I knew what I wanted. I forgave Derek, but I think he'll never forgive himself... ’’

Everybody was listening solemnly. They knew there was more to the story, but everyone was so emotionally exhausted. 

‘’Where’s Derek anyway?’’ Jackson asked.

‘’He’s with the kids back at the cottage. He’s finishing business with the contractors.’’ Stiles wiped his face with his sleeve.

‘’What cottage? The one in the Preserve? You can’t stay there! It’s so tiny, Stiles, it’s too small for the four of you!’’, Scott said.

Stiles snorted: ‘’You should have seen where we lived in Peru. It was even tinier. We don’t mind. Anyway, it’s easier for us to be closer to the Hale house now that we’re renovating. Derek is doing a lot of work himself.’’

‘’Come see us. You have to meet Evy. And see Jonah, he’s so grown up’’, Stiles invited them. ‘’And say hello to Erica and Boyd from me.’’

‘’They’ll be so sorry that they missed you, but hey, someone’s got to run the perimeter, right’’, Scott smiled.

 

Stiles left, hugging everybody for a long time, even Jackson; and everybody hugged him just as warmly back. They had to talk more, and try to resolve all the piled up issues over the years, Stiles knew that. But his heart felt bigger and stronger and his step was lighter when he walked back home.

 

 

**_***_ **

Not only did the pack come to visit them, but they all rolled up their sleeves and started working on the Hale house with them.

Every day without fail, as early as six o’clock, when the sun hadn’t even warmed the ground yet, Scott, Boyd, Isaac and Jackson would come to their cottage and wait for Derek; still upset with them, Derek had been surprised to see them the first morning, but he had said nothing. He’d just nodded and they’d gone to the Hale house together, in their manly silence.

Erica and Lydia would come, too, making enormous quantities of food and looking after Evy and Jonah with Stiles. Sometimes, the five of them would go to the house together and take lunch to the guys. Derek would pick Evy up and kiss her, to Stiles’ protests because he was filthy and sweaty; and Jonah would run around and demand to help.

The hard work seemed to have reconnected them stronger than any words would; when you shared the same muscle pain and stubbed toes every day, when you had your meals on the ground with only your fingers for cutlery; when you pissed together in the woods, helping each other wash up with bottles of water afterwards, words felt superfluous and unnecessary.

The house was finished and furnished in no time. It was beautiful; airy and spacious on the inside, with light hardwood flooring and white paneling. It had five bedrooms on the second floor and three on the third. All of them were completely furnished; Stiles knew that Derek had intended the extra space for the pack, should they wish to stay there, occasionally or always.

The children’s rooms were Lydia’s pride and joy – she decorated them to perfection, channeling her inner designer goddess.

During all that commotion, while everybody was outside doing some finishing touches around the house, it was Scott who saw Evy let go of the chair she was holding to and make her first steps.

He started wind-milling with his arms and pointing at Evy like a madman: ‘’Oh my god! Stiles! Derek!’’

Evy made several steps, her head lolling left and right and her little arms clutching the air.

Stiles squealed when he saw her, and she promptly fell onto her bottom, surprised and offended. Her little chin trembled.

‘’Evy, girl! I’m coming! Papa's coming for you, don't you worry!’’, Stiles tried to launch towards her, but he was stopped by Derek’s strong arm around his waist.

‘’Let me go, Derek!’’, Stiles fought to escape.

‘’Sshhhh,’’, Derek whispered into his ear, ‘’Wait, baby. Look at her.’’

Evy rolled over onto her knees and lifted herself on her four limbs like a monkey, her diapered bottom high in the air. Then she pushed her arms off the ground, and, wobbling precariously for a moment, she righted herself and looked at her parents with absolute triumph on her face, grinning widely, her four little teeth glistening in the sun.

Stiles pumped his hands into the air: ‘’Woo-hoo!! Did you all see that? Show’em how it’s done, Evy girl! Come here, my little Amazon warrior princess! Come to papa! Yes, baby! Who’s the smartest girl in the whole wide world, yes, you are, Evy, love, you are!’’

And everybody laughed at Stiles’ antics. Including Evy.

 

Two days later, Derek and Stiles and their children moved into the Hale house, overwhelmed and exhausted, but so impossibly happy.

 

_******* _

Stiles was lying on his stomach on their huge bed, stark naked against the snow white sheets. Derek was picking up his clothes, Stiles’ clothes, to be more precise, from the floor.

‘’I really don’t understand why it’s so difficult to throw your dirty clothes into the hamper. It’s literally ten feet away,‘’ Derek grouched. ‘’And why are you naked?’’

The younger man’s shoulder shook with silent laughter, but he didn’t turn around. He wiggled his gorgeous ass instead.

‘’I don’t know, husband o’mine. What do you think?’’, Stiles purred in mock seduction. ‘’I like to air dry, that’s why. I did some manscaping, I zhuzhed up my private bits, that sort of thing. You like?’’

Derek rolled his eyes, even though Stiles couldn’t see him. He was married to a ridiculous person. But, he went to their bathroom and fetched a bottle of jasmine scented massage oil and a big fluffy towel.

‘’I like. Let me show you how much. Lift your hips, baby.’’

Mmm, Stiles could get behind that. He obediently dropped the book onto the floor and lifted his hips so that Derek could put the towel under his body.

‘’Close your eyes.’’

He loved Derek’s massages, the man had really talented hands; more importantly, Derek loved doing it to Stiles until he disintegrated into a pile of sub-vocal purring. His broad, strong hands roamed over Stiles' body, leaving only pleasure and content in their wake.

The scent of jasmine filled his nostrils – it was his favorite. Stiles idly wondered if Derek picked jasmine with some less than honorable intentions.

At that moment, Derek took a pillow and placed it under his crotch and spread his legs as far as they could go. Oh, his husband definitely had some other intentions, to Stiles’ delight.

Derek spread his oily cheeks, revealing a deliciously smooth pink furl of muscle. ‘’You shaved, baby?’’

Stiles just wiggled some more, pushing his ass against Derek’s hands, offering himself up and wantonly putting his own hands on his ass so that he could spread it open even more.

‘’Fuck,’’ Derek gasped. ‘’Stay like that, baby. Keep your cheeks open.’’

He inserted his oiled up index finger into Stiles’ asshole, pumped once or twice, and then returned to massage the pink muscle, cajoling it into relaxing enough for his dick. It opened up like a flower to him, and soon enough it was squeezing around three Derek’s fingers, beautiful and lax.

When Derek pulled the fingers out, it stayed slightly open, clenching in its desire to be filled. Derek unzipped quickly, and his hot, hard, dick fell into his hand. He added some more oil, pumped it a few times and then leaned it against Stiles’ hole, which literally sucked his cock inside.

Derek fell across Stiles’ back and pushed his hands under Stiles’ armpits and held him over by the shoulders for leverage. He heard Stiles whimper.

‘’You all right, babe?’’, he murmured into his lover’s ear.

‘’Just give it to me, Derek!’’

Derek started drilling into him, Stiles taking every glorious inch of him like a champ. He fucked him strong and hard, just like he knew Stiles loved. The room was filled with the sounds of their hot gasps and whimpers, and obscene squelching sounds room Stiles’ fucked out asshole. They both loved every second of it.

Stiles softly grunted and gasped in synchronicity with Derek’s thrusts, humping the pillow below him as much as he could.

Derek lifted himself on his knees to change the position. He slowly pulled out his cock out of Stiles’ asshole, leaving it deliciously gaping. He dragged his fat head a little lower and then pushed inside Stiles’ birth hole. He fucked it with upward strokes of his hips, having just enough balance so that he could shove three fingers into Stiles’ asshole.

By then, he could hear that Stiles was falling apart under him, coming all over the pillow and the towel. He always fucked Stiles into coming untouched.

Derek pulled out his fingers, and then, still drilling into him, started spreading his hole with his thumbs. He wondered if he could fist him while he was fucking him. He’d ask the next time, because right now, he felt his toes curl and his lower spine burn; his hips stuttered a little, his balls drew up and his dick got even bigger; and then, rope after rope of his come landed into Stiles’ insides.

He collapsed over his husband’s back, smiling into his nape. He kissed his cheek, his closed eyelid, his forehead and then finally managed to capture his mouth.

When Derek pulled gently out, Stiles turned lazily around in his husband’s arms, nuzzling into his chest.

‘’Tell me, do all married couples fuck like this?’’

‘’Mm-hm.’’ Derek was already falling asleep.

‘’Derek! Don’t be a boor! I’m not sleepy, entertain me.’’

Derek laughed through his nose, his eyes still closed, and then he sneaked his hand down Stiles’ back and pressed against his puffy hole.

‘’Ah! You savage. Okay, you don’t have to talk, but you can play with my hair.’’

Derek pretended he hadn’t heard him for a moment or two, but then his fingers slowly tangled into Stiles’ hair on the back of his head, scratching him softly and holding him against his loving heart.

 

_******* _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems that several readers of this story have been disappointed with this chapter.  
> The cause of the disappointment was Stiles' forgiveness to the pack.   
> I wanted to say, that if I didn't manage to defend my writing by my writing, that is, if I failed to convince you, you are rightful to be disappointed, for it must have been poor writing.   
> I apologize. I will take a break from this story since I feel a little discouraged.   
> Thank you so much, to everybody who read my story.
> 
> Love,  
> Aleks


	9. Chapter 9

_******* _

Stiles was alone, kneeling on the small unvegetated piece of ground behind the house, close to the tree line. He could hear the woods whispering and feel the ground heaving with energy. Stiles pushed his hands into soft dirt as far as they could go. It parted around his fingers like water. The thrumming traveled up his nails and fingers through his entire body, all the way down to his toes.

For the past few weeks or so, he could feel the connection growing stronger, his spark coming to life, finally, Stiles might say - he was concerned when it hadn’t happened the very moment they came to Beacon Hills. But, it didn’t and Derek kept trying to assuage his concern even though Stiles knew it had to be bothering him as well.

Derek and he managed to figure out the directly proportionate link between his connection to the land which was the main source of energy for his spark, and Stiles’ emotional health; they put great hopes into their return to the pack land, thinking it would further improve it. It didn’t, not in any significant amount, at least.

But, ever since last month, Stiles finally felt a sudden surge of spark power inside of him. He couldn’t figure out why; that was why he was in the backyard, experimenting. Now that he was certain, he couldn’t wait to tell Derek, because his spark’s return was essential for their master plan. But, Derek wasn’t home at the moment. The happy news had to wait.

Stiles returned to the house, washed his hands in the guest bathroom and went to their study. The desk was covered in photographs, which was what Stiles had been doing before he went outside – he was sorting out their wedding pictures. There weren’t too many of them, inasmuch the wedding itself hadn’t been a big one. The pack, Peter, Cora, Sandra and Gabriel were the sum of their guests. The memory of it made Stiles sigh in content, pulling his lips into a satisfied smile.

He picked up his phone and pressed number two on his speed dial. The first ring hadn’t even finished before Peter’s voice filled his ear.

‘’Your most obedient slave, at your service, sir. What can I do for you on this fine day?’’

Stiles chuckled. ‘’Can’t I just call you, without any particular reason, to see how you are? I don’t always need something, you know.’’

‘’Oh, touchy mood. I see my nephew’s been rubbing off of you,’’ Peter joked. ‘’How is he, anyway?’’

‘’He’s much better. He’s great, even. You were right, if that’s what you’re waiting to hear. Being here, on the land of his ancestors… It’s helping him… and being with the pack, I guess. Although… he’s still upset, still a little cautious around them.’’

‘’Well, that’s good. He should be,’’ Peter said. ‘’Discretion is the better part of valor, and all that.’’

Stiles didn’t respond to that.

‘’How are the kids?’’, Peter wanted to know.

‘’Oh,’’ Stiles couldn’t help but smile at the mention of his children. ‘’They’re fantastic. Evy’s talking and walking, Jonah’s unstoppable… Derek took him to kindergarten and Evy to nursery school this morning, and that… that is going really well. I was worried they were getting too wild. Jonah’s already in love with his teacher. I… you know that was one of the main reasons we got back, their school, among many others.’’

Peter chuckled. “Excellent. I miss the little rugrats.’’

Stiles continued; there was something he wanted to ask Peter about; it was why he called, really.

‘’Peter… I could feel it this morning,’’ Stiles said quietly. ‘’ I don’t know what’s different, what’s changed, but I managed to light up Sandra’s wards just by sticking my hands into the ground.’’

‘’Ah! And the truth shall set you free!’’, Peter exclaimed theatrically. ‘’Finally, the reason for your call. Well, I don’t know what’s changed, too. Is it something Derek did? But it doesn’t even matter, really. The important thing is that you’re getting stronger.’’

‘’No. I don’t know. I’m not worried, it’s just that I’m a little concerned I won’t be able to control it properly if I’m not familiar with… with its nature.’’

‘’What does Derek think?’’, Peter asked.

‘’I haven’t told him yet. He knew the return to the land didn’t do much for me as it did for him. The change came in increments. Even I wasn’t sure until this morning’’, Stiles rubbed his face with his hand. ‘’Anyway, it’s not that big of a deal. I’ll tell him when he gets back.’’

‘’I’ll come if you want me to, Stiles. Lord knows that place is giving me the creeps, but for you and the kids, anything,’’ Peter said, picturesque as usual.

Stiles smiled: ‘’I know. Thanks, Peter, but you don’t have to.’’ He hurried to add: ’’But you can if you want to! You’re always welcome, you know that, and Cora, too.’’

After a few more minutes of Peter teasing Stiles, the conversation ended.

 

Stiles then went to lie down for a while. He was feeling a little strange. He heard when Derek got back home. The familiar sounds of him were coming from downstairs. Stiles hadn’t expected him so soon.

Derek climbed upstairs and opened the door to their room. He immediately lay behind Stiles, hugging him and nuzzling at the nape of his neck, peppering kisses here and there. Stiles took a deep breath.

‘’What’s wrong?’’, Derek murmured.

Stiles turned around in his embrace. ‘’I don’t know. I feel weird.’’

Derek kissed him on the mouth then. Stiles sighed a little, in happiness, but he felt his eyes well up with tears at the same time. Fuck! There was something wrong with him, apparently.

Derek hugged him even tighter, kissing his cheek and soothingly rubbing his back. ‘’Hey, hey, everything’s going to be all right,’’ he comforted his mate, even though he didn’t know what’d gotten his mate so upset.

Stiles tried to collect himself and to tell Derek about his spark, but at that moment, Derek stilled. He sniffed at Stiles’ neck, and then stilled again.

‘’What?’’, Stiles asked, looking at his husband in wonder.

Derek didn’t answer. Instead, he turned him onto his back and started running his nose all over his body.

‘’What, Derek? Do I smell? I showered this morning, I swear.’’

Derek went up Stiles’ body and faced him again, a wide smile splitting his face.

‘’You’re pregnant again.’’

‘’What?’’, Stiles asked, but Derek was already smothering him with hugs and rolling with him over their bed, laughing.

‘’How do you know? You can’t possibly know for sure,'’ Stiles tried to be the voice of reason, holding onto Derek like a monkey.

‘’Oh I know. I know for sure. It’s unmistakable, the smell of you and the baby. My baby… our baby…’’, Derek said excitedly.

And Stiles couldn’t help but laugh with him.

 

**_***_ **

‘’Hale?’’, pristinely looking nurse called over her spectacles.

Stiles and Derek got up.

‘’The doctor will see you now,’’ she smiled and immediately turned her back to them. Derek and Stiles didn't know if they were supposed to follow after her. They felt like two kids going to the principal's office for doing something wrong. 

It was a routine checkup. The doctor inquired about their medical history and was pleased to hear they already had a normal pregnancy and a healthy child together. Derek was tense and stiff like always when he found himself in regular, real life situations; Stiles didn’t know who was supporting whom at that moment, because he was the one holding Derek’s hand. The doctor was eyeing them suspiciously. Stiles couldn’t care less.

Then she had Stiles lay on the table and asked him to uncover his stomach; she prodded him gently but firmly with her fingers, right above his pelvic bone. Then she squirted a dollop of gel and pressed the ultrasound wand over the same place. It was uncomfortable.

‘’Here, ‘’ she pointed towards a dark smudge on the screen, Derek following her arm in stunned silence. ‘’This is your baby.’’

Stiles turned his head to have a look as well.

‘’And this,’’ she dragged her finger across the blurry image, ‘’is your baby number two!’’

Both Derek and Stiles turned their heads towards her in synchronicity, completely flabbergasted.

‘’Congratulations! You’re having twins,’’ she continued. ‘’Now, it’s too early to see the sexes, but this is clearly a twin pregnancy.’’

Stiles was shocked. He didn’t know how to feel, whether to be happy or terrified; but then Derek lifted his hand which he was holding onto while Stiles was on the bed and started kissing it. When their eyes finally met, Derek’s were a little wet and he was definitely smiling.

‘’We’re having twins,’’ he whispered and then leaned over and began kissing Stiles, tongue and everything, like the doctor wasn’t even there and like Stiles’ jeans weren’t half open and his stomach covered in goo. Stiles couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that he had two babies inside of him. He wasn’t sure he could do it, carry and give birth to them. His breathing was getting heavy.

‘’I’ll print some photographs for you and if you want, you can have a video, too but that’s going to cost a little extra,’’ the doctor chirped.

‘’How m…’’, Stiles tried to ask, but Derek’s decisive ‘’we’ll take it’’ cut him short.

After they’d gathered their senses, and Stiles was back in his chair, which Derek dragged in one swift move right next to his and put one of his arms around Stiles’ shoulders, it was time for serious talk. The doctor squinted a little at Derek’s caveman routine.

‘’Male pregnancies carry a little higher risk than female ones; on top of that, the same goes for twin fetuses versus single ones. So, you’ll just have to take it easy. Rest a lot, be careful not to exhaust yourself; mind your diet, and also you’re going to have more checkups, twice a month each month until the third trimester; and then, one each week until your due date…’’, the doctor spoke.

Stiles listened carefully. “I had one miscarriage, before… Our first pregnancy ended after three months with a miscarriage,’’ he added quietly. Derek squeezed his shoulder in silent support.

‘’Don’t let that worry you, Stiles, things like that happen. Do you by any chance know why you miscarried?’’, she asked.

Stiles didn’t like to remember it. ‘’They ran some tests, they all came back negative. My doctor at the time thought it was psychosomatic.’’ Stiles didn’t want to go into details, for Derek’s sake; he felt Derek tense next to him, misery radiating off of him. He didn’t like remembering it either.

‘’Well, then, let me offer you the least popular advice among my patients – no stress, Stiles. Absolutely none whatsoever,’’ she deliberately looked at Derek when she said that. Stiles felt a little sorry for him; he was wide eyed and pale as a sheet. ‘’Do we understand?’’

 

_******* _

Easier said than done.

This was a difficult pregnancy; not only because it put a huge strain on Stiles’ thin body, but because it coincided with the execution of Stiles and Derek’s master plan - the one which dictated their decisions for the past three months, the one which made them leave Peru, and, ultimately, the one which would give them a ticket for the unobstructed, free future for their family. It was a good, but dangerous plan that no one but Peter knew about. It was brewing inside Stiles and Derek for months.

Derek was on the end of his nerves. If Stiles didn’t know him any better, he would be inclined to think Derek wasn’t happy about the pregnancy. He was jumpy and nervous, and if he ever saw any pack member slack on their job of jumping to their feet on every Stiles’ request, or fail to serve Stiles with whatever it was his current craving of the moment, Derek would snap and growl at them like a wild animal. Every time he was home, he would hover over Stiles, bringing him food and drinks, massaging his back or feet, and pampering him in every way imaginable.

But, the atmosphere was tense; if it weren’t for the kids, who were beside themselves with happiness for the new babies, laughter would be a scarce commodity in their household.

One night, after he’d put the children to sleep, Derek got onto their bed behind Stiles and held him tight, his arm protectively curled over his belly.

‘’I spoke with James Wellington today,’’ Derek began, knowing that Stiles was listening, that he’d been waiting eagerly the entire evening to hear the news. This was something they had to discuss in private. ‘’He agreed. He’s going to come next Monday, at six. He’s bringing his emissary and three of his betas.’’

Stiles shivered a little, in trepidation. This was what they were waiting for, this was their chance. Ever since Peter discovered the connection between Jennifer Blake and Wellington, and expressed his doubts and concerns about it, a plan began to form in Derek’s head, the one only Stiles, Peter and he knew about.

‘’I’m ready,’’ Stiles whispered. ‘’I know you’re worried about me and the babies, and it is extremely inconvenient for our plan, but I think… I think it was the pregnancy that somehow brought all my powers back, like it reestablished the connection between you, me and the land. Perhaps… it’s what’s meant to be.’’

Derek let out a long sigh, caressing Stiles’ stomach. He landed a small kiss behind Stiles’ ear. ‘’You may be right. Still, I’m mad with worry. I can’t let anything happen to you or them, and it would be much easier if your spark isn’t essential to the success of our plan. I’ll call Peter tomorrow, I want him here. And if Sandra agrees to help… that would put my mind at ease, somewhat.’’

 

After that, they remained silent for a while, their minds whirling with thoughts.

Stiles knew he could never fall asleep like that. He took Derek’s hand from his stomach and unceremoniously put it over his dick. He couldn’t help it, he was constantly horny. Derek chuckled a little.

‘’Baby,’’ Derek whispered into his ear, and for a second there, Stiles wondered if his husband was too distracted to fuck him tonight.

But he wasn’t. Without changing their position, Derek simply rolled Stiles’ underwear down past his balls and fetched a bottle of lube they kept under the mattress. By then, they’d become total champions in quiet, efficient fucking. It was the full house that made them remain quiet and Stiles’ swollen belly that dictated the position. When Derek’s rigid cock slipped into Stiles’ lubed up asshole, both their minds and bodies finally relaxed and let go of their day, reveling in familiar pleasure.

 

_******* _


	10. Chapter 10

 

_******* _

‘’And not a day too soon,’’ James Wellington’s smarmy voice announced instead of any formal greeting. ''Just like I planned.''

He was a man in his fifties, of average height and weight, with nothing exceptionally remarkable about his appearance. He had regular alpha muscles and he was obviously very strong, physically speaking. What did make him stand out, though, was his character, which was clearly reflected on his face and which rearranged his features into something cold, calculated and vicious. He had a matching voice, too.

‘’Hale,’’ he nodded towards Derek who was standing in the front yard of his house, with only Stiles and Peter behind him. At least he really did come with only three of his betas and his emissary, to Derek’s relief. But what Derek certainly didn’t expect and which took him by surprise, was Jennifer Blake standing next to James and giving him the exact same smarmy smile. Derek didn’t let his surprise show. He remembered Peter’s words from before, about his doubts that Jennifer was in some kind of pact with James, but he hadn’t been sure whether that was true or not. Clearly, it was.

He looked at James with his head held high, and greeted him formally: ‘’Alpha Wellington, welcome to the Hale territory. I appreciate that you have accepted my invitation for the renegotiation of our agreement.’’

Wellington barked out a laugh at that: ‘’By god, Hale, I never took you for a funny one. Heck, I thought you hadn’t a single funny bone in your body. You hear that, Jennifer?’’ Without waiting for her response, he murmured into his beard, ‘’this is going to be so much fun.’’

Derek, Peter and Stiles stood motionless. They knew full well this was not going to be a friendly visit, but James’ obvious and open hostility from the very start was a little disconcerting. It promised nothing good.

‘’Where’s your pack? You’re mighty confident to receive my visit without them. And I can’t smell them lurking in the woods either. What, have your brutish manners finally chased them away?’’, James continued his verbal abuse.

‘’Cut the crap, James. We want to reaffirm the truce, that’s all. Let’s get that over with and you can all fuck off, as far as I’m concerned. It’s not like we planned to serve you dinner,’’ Peter spoke from his spot next to Derek, his patience obviously long gone. Nobody cringed at Peter’s rudeness, since their plan did include provoking the alpha.

James’ face lit up in delight instead. ‘’Ah, Peter. You know, out of the entire Hale pack, I had most faith in you to see through our little mission, but, alas, no; you’re as disappointing as the rest of them. You’ve played to our tune for years, along with the rest of your sorry pack.’’

‘’Your mission?’’, Derek asked, calm and collected, not letting the words get to him.

James laughed again: ‘’Did you really think Jennifer married you for your good looks and charming personality? Or to protect her pack from me? You can’t be that stupid.’’

At that moment, Jennifer joined the conversation: ‘’We’re here for a reason, Hale. And let me give you a hint – it has nothing to do with signing new contracts.’’

At that, she let out a powerful roar, her features transforming into something ugly and monstrous; but James caught her by the hand, obviously enjoying too much in his villain monologue to let her steal his spotlight.

Stiles trembled a little, horrified by the realization that Jennifer was clearly an abomination of sorts. A darach, perhaps. It didn’t bode well for them. He dug his bare feet even deeper into the ground, praying no one noticed. He wanted to curl his arms around his belly so much, but he didn’t. He remained still.

‘’I still find it mind-boggling that you all played into it. I swear, you were like puppets, like live marionettes that we pushed and pulled as we wished.’’ James continued, and Derek smartly let him talk. ‘’To convince an alpha to leave his own mate – I am most proud of that one. I think Jennifer and I deserve an award for that, don’t you think? To convince his entire pack to sabotage their own alpha and pack member - that was a bit easier since your pack seems to be a motley crew of idiots. Because we couldn’t allow that here, Hale. A union between a spark and an alpha, it’s like a ticking bomb waiting to happen, for the rest of us. Too much power for my taste, if you catch my drift.’’

Stiles was petrified. He was looking at a man who ruined his entire life; who killed his father and who separated him from his mate. Even worse, he still had no idea what he wanted, what his agenda was for tonight. But, Stiles knew what his and Derek’s plan was and part of it was clearly already working – for no one in the Wellington pack could obviously sense Boyd, Scott, and Erica in the woods on the right side of the clearing, and Sandra, Gabriel, Lydia and Jackson on the left. They were surrounded by their pack. They were safe, Stiles kept repeating to himself, his thin frame shivering in the chill air. They were waiting for Stiles’ sign.

Like a madman, Derek let his curiosity get the better of him and asked: ‘’Why didn’t you just kill me, kill him?’’

James rolled his eyes towards the sky, like he couldn’t believe Derek’s idiocy: ‘’To kill a spark? You are a fool, Hale. I didn’t want to kill him, not yet, at least – I needed him, and still do. I needed you, too, but not anymore."

Stiles felt his heart skip and then start again in frantic staccato. He hid even more behind Derek’s back.

James spread his arms theatrically, clearly getting ready to announce his grand finale, the point of his entire performance:

“To be more precise, I need what’s inside of him. A perfect being, an offspring of a spark and a born alpha. I want your child, and you’re going to give it to me, Hale. Your little mate has already escaped me once and taken away one of your bastards with him before, but not this time. When he delivers, I’m going to return him to you, don’t worry. In a coffin, most probably, but you won’t mind, will you.’’

Jennifer‘s contorted head released a series of inhuman sounds at that – she was probably laughing.

Derek let out a bloodcurdling roar at James’ words; he was already half shifted, but he didn’t move, his control was too good for that.

James ignored him completely, roaring right over him, his entire body shaking in anger: ‘’And you are going to give him to me, Hale. Do you know why? Here, let me show you exactly why.’’

He lifted one of his arms in the air and snapped his fingers. Like in a dream, Stiles saw three small figures approach them at James’ sign, clearly scared out of their minds.

It was Melissa, holding Jonah and Evy by their little hands.

Stiles thought he was going to die. They took the kids to Melissa’s to be safe. He thought his children were safe. It was over, it was over, it was time.

Stiles dropped onto his knees, letting out a deep, long sigh into the ground. His feet and toes were already an inch deep, if not more. Then, he dug his hands, pushing his fingers into its moist darkness. The ground started quaking. Stiles felt its tremors deep inside his bones. He felt his spark travel through him and move into the earth. He felt the wards light up, and heard the earth whisper to him. He whispered right back, his lips moving in silent runes.

At that moment, all hell broke loose. Derek shifted into his full alpha form, going straight for James. Like through a fog, Stiles could see James trying to shift and move, trying to go for Evy and Jonah as his protection, but he couldn’t. The entire Wellington pack, and Jennifer, whichever pack she belonged to, were glued to their spots, unable to move or shift. Because nobody paid any attention to a pale, waify thin spark with a swollen belly behind Derek’s back. They wanted his child, they knew it was powerful, but they didn’t know why. Nobody knew his power and nobody knew that he could channel it through earth.

Nobody wondered why the little spark, pregnant and vulnerable, stood barefoot on the cold ground.

Derek sliced through James’ throat like through cheese; the pack, Sandra and Gabriel went for his three betas; and before anyone could react, they saw Peter cut the entire Jennifer’s head off, waving with it in the air, her blood spluttering around.

The children started crying.

‘’Oh my god, oh my god’’, Stiles tried to move, to crawl towards them on his knees; but he couldn’t. He called Derek’s name, but his voice was hoarse and too weak.

Stiles tried once more to push himself across the ground, but his arms and legs gave up.

Minding his belly, with the last atoms of his strength, he collapsed onto his side and let the darkness envelop him.

_******* _


	11. Chapter 11

_******* _

Stiles’ brain decided to wake up, but his body obviously wasn’t on the same page. He felt like a horde of elephants played Irish jig dance on him for an hour straight. The events from before he lost his consciousness rushed back to his memory. Stiles whined and tried to curl on his side, but his body hurt so much. He managed to put his hands over his stomach. He was most definitely still pregnant; his baby bump felt like treasure under his fingers.

‘’Stiles, Stiles,’’ he heard a soft voice calling him and a hand gently touching his shoulder.

He cracked his eyes open a little. ‘’Melissa,’’ he croaked, barely recognizing his own voice. He was in their bedroom, so that was a relief. The curtains were drawn and the blinders pulled almost all the way down, but he could see Melissa’s worried face leaning over him.

‘’You’ll be fine, don’t worry. You’re just exhausted and stressed…’’ she spoke softly to him. Her words were very comforting to Stiles.

‘’Where are they?’’, he asked the most pressing question whirling in his sluggish mind.

‘’They’re downstairs with Derek, don't worry; they’re fine, Stiles, Derek just wanted to give you some peace so that you could rest. Everybody’s just fine.’’

‘’Melissa… can you ask them to come here, please?’’

‘’Of course.’’

When she left, he tried to straighten up a little and lift himself in a half sitting position. He was still struggling with a pillow, when Jonah and Evy came in, followed by Derek.

Stiles raised his hands towards them, in silent invitation, trying, and failing, not to sniffle a little. All three of them climbed onto the bed, arranging themselves around Stiles somehow. Evy hugged him with her little arms, nuzzling her nose into Stiles’ chest; Jonah was on his other side, pressing his head into Stiles’ shoulder and holding his hand, and Derek was next to Evy, reaching above her head to touch Stiles’ face.

‘’How are you feeling?’’, his husband inquired, gently caressing his forehead.

Stiles sighed a little. ‘’I’m not even kidding, I already feel much better now that you’re here. My body hurts, like I’ve sprained every single muscle. And the babies are still here, I can sense that they’re fine.’’

‘’They are. Melissa brought a doctor while you were unconscious, to check up on you and the babies, you are all fine. You just need to rest,’’ Derek said.

They lay in silence for a little while, just touching one another and letting the mutual comfort calm them.

‘’The children are unusually quiet,’’ Stiles murmured.

Derek chuckled a little. ‘’That’s because I’ve been asking them to be quiet for the past three days, because of you… I know what you’re worried about. We’ll get through it, together. They’ll be all right.’’ Derek knew Stiles was worried about the impact that the recent event had on them.

‘’What about… everybody else?’’, Stiles wanted to know.

‘’Well, Peter had to get back, he didn’t want to leave Cora alone on the island for so long, and the Ortegas went back with him, naturally.’’

‘’What, why, why couldn’t he wait for me to see him, why did he have to go so soon?’’, Stiles whined.

‘’Stiles, love, you were out for three days,’’ Derek chuckled again. ‘’He did extend an invitation before he left, you know he wants us there all the time.’’

Jonah jumped at that, tossing the bed and its occupants. Stiles was so happy to see him back in action.

‘’Oh, papa, can we go, I wanna go, can we go,’’ he kept jumping and repeating until he lost his breath. Stiles laughed and looked over to Derek and Evy. She was sucking on her thumb, a habit Stiles was trying to break her out of, unconcerned and happy.

Derek just looked back at him. ‘’It all depends on you, Stiles, on your health. It is a long journey. But,… we could go, theoretically speaking; if the doctor allows it. You could give birth there, just like you did Evy. We could stay a while, spend the summer there. It would be good for the kids... for us. ’’

Stiles took Evy’s hand out of her mouth and asked her: ‘’What do you say, Evy love, shall we go back to Peru?’’

She pushed her spit-wet hand into Stiles’ cheek, and said: ‘’Papa, poo, poo.’’

They all laughed. It was all settled then.

Two weeks later, they were on Isla Independencia once again.

_******* _

Stiles squeezed his nipple a little, getting the milk flowing, wiping it gently over Samuel’s tiny mouth and trying to get him interested in the proceedings. ‘’Come on, Sam, don’t be a spoilsport. Don’t you know that everybody in this family has crazy good appetites? You’ve got to keep the tradition, buddy,’’ Stiles cajoled. When the baby finally closed his lips around Stiles’ nipple and started to suck, Stiles sighed in relief.

He looked up from where he was laying in bed with Sam, only to see Derek looking at him with burning, hungry eyes.

His husband was holding their seven minutes younger son Benjamin since he’d already been fed. The twins looked completely the same, like two peas in a pod – but Derek and Stiles quickly learned to tell the difference, minutes after their birth. Physically speaking, Ben was a bit smaller than Sam, and had a pale birthmark above his belly button; personality wise, Sam was quieter and unlike Ben, not perpetually hungry. But Derek wasn’t looking at their twins – his eyes were fixated on Stiles.

‘’I don’t think my eyes could ever set on a more pleasing sight than you feeding our child,’’ Derek said somewhat out of the blue. Ever since they came to Peru, they didn’t have that much time for themselves. They were on a strict feeding/changing/bathing/putting to sleep regime that the twins dictated, exhausted as all parents of newborns; and whatever spare time they had left, they spent it with their two older children, Jonah and Evy.

Stiles blushed furiously, but he didn’t look away; uncharacteristically, he kept his eyes on Derek in shameless appreciation of his husband’s affection. ‘’Come here,’’ Stiles said. ‘’Come help me.’’

Derek gently put Ben back into his cradle and crawled up the bed to where Stiles was sitting. He kissed him on the lips three, four times, without taking any breath between the kisses. ‘’What do you want me to do?’’, Derek asked.

Stiles put Sam down on the bed next to him and lay on his back. Derek looked at his exposed chest and swollen nipples like they were a treasure map. Stiles took a cotton cloth and put it in Derek’s hand. ‘’Squeeze them. I need to get rid of the extra milk.’’

Derek looked like someone had hit him on the head with a brick, but he quickly gathered his wits. He was mesmerized. He absolutely loved everything about Stiles’ pregnancy and post-partum experience. He never said anything to Stiles, but he regretted bitterly not having been able to take part in Evy’s pre and post natal care. With the twins, he tried to make up for that and he made sure he was there all the time. He had rubbed Stiles gigantic belly with obsessive dedication; he had never left his side during delivery, taking Stiles’ pain every few minutes, to Stiles’ absolute delight; and after the babies were born, he participated in their rearing even more than Stiles.

Slowly, he raised his hand towards Stiles’ chest, and delicately pressed one nipple between his thumb and index finger. A few drops of milk appeared immediately, to Derek’s utter amazement. He watched them trickle down Stiles’ chest and quickly wiped them away with the cloth. Stiles hissed a little.

‘’Sorry. I’m a bit sore.’’

Derek’s mind was whirring. He leaned towards his husband, looking at his eyes for approval, until his mouth was in front of the leaking, puffy nipple. When Stiles smiled at him, he pressed the flat of his tongue over the entire areola, and just stayed there for a moment. Instantly, Stiles felt his soreness disappear. Derek was leaching his pain away. Stiles exhaled in relief, but soon after, he felt Derek sucking at his nipple for real, drinking his milk.

Stiles caressed his soft hair and smiled: ‘’You’re insane, you know that? I‘m in love with an insane person. What do you have to say for yourself?’’

Derek just looked at him through his beautiful eyelashes, his chiseled jaw line moving in regular sucking and licking motions against Stiles’ tan torso and Stiles thought that there was no greater love than theirs in the entire world.

 

**_***_ **

Jonah’s fifth birthday was a bona fide festival. People who didn’t even know them personally came; for they all wanted to see the Hale mates, the strongest alpha in America who singlehandedly defeated their archenemy, and his spark, whose powers could kill you on the spot.

Urban legends about the pair traveled across both continents, rooted deeply in people’s imagination and collective consciousness, feeding their need for heroes and mythological deities.

They watched their children dance around the bonfire, convinced they were elves of preternatural powers, and they watched Derek and Stiles kiss while they cradled their boys in their arms, convinced that there was eternal love in this world.

They weren’t wrong about that.

**THE END**


End file.
